Should I have gone?
The morning Ian left to go to work September 30, he asked me to come along.
The night of September 29 he asked me if I would like to work with him the next day. I would have to find someone to do my paper route for me, but I didn’t really want to. The work I would do with Ian was a lot more physically strenuous than delivering papers, that’s probably why I never got around to finding a substitute. The next morning, in his paint-splattered clothes and steel-toed boots, he asked me again if I couldn’t find a sub. I said no and I didn’t really feel like working. Later I found out that Ben could have easily taken the paper route for the day. God’s sovereignty held him back.
I felt guilty when I actually thought about it in the ICU; I could have been there to pick up whatever it was that Ian was reaching for that apparently distracted his driving. My dad let me know that I could have been in the hospital bed right beside Ian. I recently have been feeling a lot less guilty.
I’m writing this to show that, in His holy sovereignty, God knew it was best for Ian’s future to put him in that accident. So that means that I could not be in that car with him. God protected me from physical harm and I’m so glad for that. Romans 8:28 says, “And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose.” God’s plans work out for His glory no matter how many bumps or U-turns there are. He’s in things that are small, like when you (or I) organize a basketball game with friends, even if it doesn’t work out for your schedule God may want you to see your impatience or selfishness.
I’m seeing that He doesn’t mess things up so my trust in him continually grows.
-Caleb (with alot of advice taken)
rebekah berger
January 22, 2007 at 3:14 am
caleb,
thank you for this post.
It’s so humbling to remember that even when we think we’re making decisions about how we want to live our life (like for you not going to work with Ian that day)that God is still in control. And perfectly so. He never makes a mistake or becomes forced to “work around” us when we make last-minute decisions or plans. He knows all things and is orchestrating everything together so that His glory will be made known.
And it’s also amazing to see what God has used this experience for in your life. Just like your dad said, you could have been in the bed next to Ian right now… but God has you where you are because it’s where you need to be. He’s using you and strenghtening you every day. And many things about your future could be defined by what He has and will teach you in this season.
keep trusting Him…
I love you much cuz,
bek.
anonymous
January 22, 2007 at 7:45 pm
Dear Caleb,
Thank you so much for your post. Your honesty and openness are humbling.
I am not your parent, but I am a parent, and I’m telling you that you are not allowed to feel guilty! Respect your elders and take that advice. 🙂
What your cousin Bek said is so true. God is using what is happening with Ian to influence SO many lives…including YOURS!
You and your family and Larissa are in my prayers daily. I eagerly check the blog a number of times a day, looking for a good report, whether it is about Ian’s physical condition or what God is doing in the poster’s life…it is ALL good news to see how God is working!
God bless you, Caleb! Continue to rely on the Lord!
Jesus said:
“I am the vine; you are the branches. Whoever abides in me and I in him, he it is that bears much fruit, for apart from me you can do… nothing.” John 15:5
Mary Ann K.