there are few things in life better than being an aunt. or an uncle. we’re so fortunate to have five little ones under the age of three, with number six joining us any day now. it’s especially fun to watch our oldest nephew because he’s so much like ian. and they are hilarious together. if paladin doesn’t want ian’s arm around him, he says so. if ian wants some of paladin’s food, he says so. they’re both very particular and very vocal about those opinions, but in the best way.
ian loves being with all of our little squirts and on saturday we will celebrate our youngest nephew’s first birthday. each of them is a gift.
thankful for family. and that tomorrow is friday:)
she packed us a picnic of lemon water and milk in the glass bottles that were his birthday gift. it was a coupon to redeem for a picnic, meal of our choice, date and time of our choice. and so being date night, we stopped at our mother in law’s house for our basket filled with chicken salad sandwiches, brownies and milk – at Ian’s request.
the sky was teasing us with passing dark clouds and so we opted for the park with a nearby pavilion. we took just one out of the basket at a time, just in case we had to pack up quickly.
after an hour of watching the clouds, and eating and talking, we decided to risk it and settled on a blanket under a strong and sprawling tree.
i wanted to capture the moment and so i brushed past ian laying on the blanket, looking back at the tree as i walked.
“you look beautiful in that skirt.”
after a quiet thank you i snapped a picture, a smile behind the hands holding the phone. i walked back over to the blanket, laying next to him, smiling yet.
“i can’t believe i’m so blessed to have such a beautiful wife.”
noticing i was cold, he pulled the blanket up over my shoulder, simply loving me.
i turned onto my back, looking up at the huge tree, and smiled. i smiled because God knew exactly what my heart needed that night. and he softened my heart as he softened ian’s, and gave us a sweet and beautiful moment of feeling so deeply the joy of being loved, by each other and by our Father.
in a nagging week that had “brain injury” running through my thoughts too many times, there was peace and a moment of rest. and tonight, after work and spending time with our little man paladin, i told ian i was tired.
“you just need to sit down and rest for awhile.”
and so we will rest, as the white curtains on our patio shift in the breeze and the little birds enjoy the new food in their feeders. there’s a tea pot on the stove waiting for water and a husband ready to just sit with his wifey.
i remember sarah telling me that she was shocked to see ian showing affection to someone – she was used to him being the sarcastic life of the party. willing to talk to anyone, but also not shy to say funny things that may or may not be taken well. but he was in love, and this friend that she had known since she was little and had been homeschooled with was actually outwardly showing his love.
that’s the ian that i fell in love with. and that’s me that he was showing affection to. he would gently hold my hand – as gently as he could considering that he has the fattest fingers in the world. to me it often felt like a vice grip. but it was still so sweet.
but then for a few years, that hand didn’t have life. it couldn’t squeeze when it wanted to or reach out to find mine.
that’s different now.
that same ian seven years ago that shocked sarah is still marked by gentle affection. and he can make that hand move again. since we’ve been married, one of my favorite parts of my day is falling asleep holding my husband’s hand. and one night as i lay there, i realized that this is what i want all of my girlfriend’s to have. a gentle husband who is so happy to fall asleep with hands bound.
i’m thankful tonight to be married to a tender heart.
Happy father’s day to two great dads. We were raised by two men who have their lives for their kids and wives.
From Ian “my dad is the greatest man who ever lived. He lived for only one thing: to make God more in himself. It gives me much hope that he’s in heaven before me.”
From Larissa “my dad makes me laugh even when the only other option is to cry. He’s taught me endurance in suffering and how to live and work hard for your family. I’m so glad he listened to my mom when after having two babies, she said that someone was missing”
We love you both dearly, whether here or with the Lord.
throughout our engagement and into our marriage, many inquiring minds, who are strangers and not dear friends, have asked about our ability to have children. surprisingly, because of our disability, there has seemed to exist an assumption that those questions are appropriate, when none of them were asked to our friends who are in full health. not that these questions are wrong, but they’re not helpful either. here’s why.
in any marriage, how does anyone know if they can conceive until God reveals a yes or no?
with or without disability, no one can answer that question except for God.
and so that’s where we leave it. we would both love to be parents. i would love to have a mini ian running around, filling our lives. maybe not yet. maybe not for a long time. maybe next year. maybe we’ll have biological children, or maybe we’ll adopt.
just like we don’t want people to assume things about our own life and future, we don’t want to assume on God. He may call us to raise 10 children who look and sound just like us or he may just keep providing nieces and nephews for us to spoil. either way, “before me, as behind, God is and all is well.”
i dont know, maybe it’s me, but sometimes suffering is embarrassing. when it’s prolonged, and so outwardly apparent, and creates so many needs. living through brain injury and brain cancer, and losing someone to brain cancer, and now thinking about a smaller type of cancer, it’s another need. another reason for people to pray. another reason for maybe some to think that our faith is too weak. another reason for “i just feel so badly for them.” yes, here we are again, friends, needing healing, and relief, and strength.
i don’t know what the Bible says about it. ian would say it’s just a feeling. but it’s there. and i’m sure we’re not the first ones to feel it. so that’s probably why i want to say it out loud. and i know that it is good for us to be cared for, and prayed for, and to ask for prayer. and i’m sure that somewhere Jesus can satisfy and heal it. but sometimes, it just sits there in our gut.
as for ian’s appointment, it may not be cancer, but they will treat it as if it were. we will be scheduled for two outpatient procedures in pittsburgh, so we will just say overnight at a hotel. they will remove the nearest lymph node and have it tested.
thank you, truly, for praying. even if sometimes it feels, embarrassing:)
late last week we learned that ian has pre-osteoporisis in his lumbar spine and left femur. please pray that we’re able to do enough exercise for him that it doesn’t progress quickly.
Desiring God has released a new e book on disability. It is geared toward pastors, but has affected my heart just a few pages in. Click on our right link to DG to download.
An excerpt, that we all need, because my Ian, and so many other beautiful, disabled people are deeply loved by God and need to be hemmed in by others:
“And I would just plead in passing—children, young people, and adults—see people with disabilities. And I don’t mean see them like the priest and the Levite on the Jericho Road, passing by on the other side. This is our natural reflex—see and avoid. But we are not natural people. We are followers of Jesus. We have the Spirit of Jesus in our hearts. We have been seen and touched in all our brokenness by an attentive, merciful Savior.
If you want to be one of the most remarkable kinds of human beings on the planet—a Jesus kind—see people with disabilities. See them. And move toward them. God will show you what to say.”
