we first crossed paths in a journalism class, maybe magazine publishing, and then were officially introduced at our campus ministry.
then we both found boyfriends.
and then Matt proposed on valentines day.
and then I stood with her at the altar.
and then this pretty little lady, pictured far left, ROTC grad along with her hubby, spent the rest of her 20s on two active duty tours for our country – one in Iraq and one in Afghanistan.
my cyndi you are one of many from our generation who deserve much and many thanks.
i’m staring at the screen, paralyzed by the glare in front of me. ian is in the kitchen eating with devon. our suite is clean, so i can’t distract myself with that. the only thing left looming ahead of me are these words that need to somehow get themselves onto the page.
i was imagining myself feeling really artsy, maybe a little emo, sitting at our metal top table, being an author. listening to the nick drake pandora station. i even got a big sweater and leggings that i dreamt to be my writing outfit, all snuggled up on a wicker chair, sipping tea and furiously spewing out words.
instead, i’m wearing ian’s sweatshirt because i was too lazy to find anything else, my brain has nothing in it but cravings for meadows ice cream, and my body wants to slump into a warm down comforter for the night.
this is so not glamorous.
being an author, as we use that term loosely, is maybe not how i had pictured it to be.
but everything is work, and that’s what will make this project so rewarding. i’m surely learning obedience and discipline. this book will be nothing short of a miracle once it’s completed.
“I can do all things through him who strengthens me.” Philippians 4:13
this may have been posted by us before, but while trying to motivate my own words to leave my mind and jump onto the page, i found myself on this paragraph again. it’s in an old favorite, “stepping heavenward,” by elizabeth prentiss.
“and now if you ask how you may know that you have truly consecrated yourself to him, i reply, observe every indication of his will concerning you, no matter how trivial, and see whether you at once close in with that will. lay down this principle as law – God does nothing arbitrary. if He takes away your health, for instance, it is because He has some reason in doing so; and this is true of everything of value; and if you have real faith in Him, you will not insist on knowing the reason.”
it’s been awhile since we’ve done an update on ian’s health. slow and steady continues to be the way of life. ian attends physical therapy twice a week and speech twice as well. he’s gaining strength from physical therapy – walking with assistance has been the main focus.
other than strength in walking, we don’t have any tremendous goals that we’ve set forth. we continue to work with him at home on annunciation and short term memory – all things that when gaining in those areas, affects so much of our lives.
please continue to pray that ian’s memory would improve and that his legs would become more and more ready for walking.
this appears to be what the rest of our lives may look like, but we want to keep hopeful that more progress could be made, even so far after his injury.
i was facing the screen, my gaze perpendicular to his. i looked over to see him looking at me, his left eye scrunched.
laughing, “why do you look so angry?”, i asked.
“i’m not angry at all.”
“what are you thinking about?”
“you. and how much i love you.”
“what specifically?”
“how your smile works wonders for me.”
deep inside his heart is a spring overflowing with the love that the Holy Spirit has placed inside of him. through loss and a thought process that can be compared to wading through thick, dense, jelly, he gives love and he gives me life. this man that i fall asleep next to every night has done more for my soul than i could have ever done on my own.
i avoided it for seven months, but today i had the guts to weakly type our names into Google. then i had the guts to read comments on people’s blogs, primarily made after the release of our video on Desiring God.
not really so fun.
“ian, people are saying uncomfortable things about us on the internet.”
“who?”
“people who have seen our video.”
“what are they saying?”
“some that our marriage isn’t legal and that you have the mentality of an eight-year-old.”
“you don’t believe them, right?”
“trying not to.”
“they don’t know us.”
that’s where it begins and ends. we’ve entered into a very public life, willingly, and we enter that with fear and trembling. we know and respect that we can have differing views. and we know that we are nothing extraordinary. we live in the midst of sin and fears and temptations. maybe we could have made the video differently. maybe i could have worded things differently. but eight minutes never sums up a life.
along with a public life comes scrutiny, and disagreement and other things that can feel really uncomfortable.
but, i can’t help but feel the need to clear up two things, as maybe my lack of clearing them up has confused some people. ian does not have the mentality of an eight year old (an eight year old could not have given the answer of “stool pigeon” during a round of taboo last night) and yes, we do have sex.
we also love God and are in love with each other. we continue to pray for wisdom and discretion in this public role, as we embark on speaking engagements and writing a book. but we mostly pray that heaven would be oh so near.
we met in college in 2005. we started dating then, too. love came quickly and how fun it was.
in september of 2006, on his way to work to earn money for a ring, ian’s car slammed under an SUV. along with part of his brain, it took the plans that we had made. and left us with a brain injury.
but then came eight twenty eight.
“and we know that for those who love God all things work together for good, for those who are called according to His purpose.” Romans 8:28
God held us.
ian’s dad, steve, was a regular writer on the blog after the accident, along with me, larissa. then on october 8, 2009, steve met God after a six-week battle with brain cancer.
steve’s birthday is eight twenty eight. our wedding day is eight twenty eight, made official four years after the accident.
we write this blog because we love each other and we love God.
“For I am sure that neither death nor life, nor angels nor rulers, nor things present nor things to come, nor powers,nor height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God in Christ Jesus our Lord.” Romans 8:38-39
the more than i dig into our writing, the more that i’m craving to read really good books. i hope to share some of them on here, and for now, all of my reading time is consumed by this guy:
dietrich bonhoeffer
in particular, his life captured by eric metaxas, who we recently had the pleasure of listening to at an event.
if you’re not familiar with bonhoeffer, it is so worth the read. he was a German Christian during the time of Hitler’s reign and was eventually assassinated for his involvement in a plot to kill Hitler.
this is 600+ pages well spent. i’ve been convicted and motivated. not only did Hitler hate Jews, but he also hated anyone who was disabled. that’s close to home.
i want this to be said of us as well as it was of bonhoeffer: “whatever he had and whatever he was, he made that accessible to others.”
it’s scary to write our book and to proclaim God’s worth in marriage and in disabilities, especially in this culture. but as this author said while we watched him at the podium, he came to a realization on his writing journey that this is God’s book.
