A few months ago, a sweet girl needed a place to stay for a little while. We were lucky enough that she accepted our offer and now, though she is leaving us far too soon, she has become a very dear sister to us both.
Here are a few of her thoughts on life at the Murphy’s.
“I moved into Ian and Larissa’s house about 4 months ago. It’s hilarious to think back to that day because I barely knew this couple who have since become family to me. Getting to know them and see how they live and love has absolutely changed my life. So today, 2 weeks before I move out of their house (no, they aren’t kicking me out, thanks for wondering), I find myself once again thinking about some of the things I want to remember as I move away.
We love because Christ first loved us. It’s only with Jesus’ love that we are able to love other people the way that we should and were made to. Without His love, our love ends really quickly and selfishly- mine definitely does. God is the one sustaining Ian and Larissa every day. He is the one allowing them to praise Him. He enables them to love each other and so many others in the midst of great sorrow.
Ian is probably the most patient man I know. He is quick to focus on other people and he does not complain. I see his patience with his brother Caleb as Caleb helps him eat breakfast every morning and can’t always understand what he is saying and so Ian often has to repeat himself a few times. I see his patience with his caregiver who picks Ian up every morning- it takes time to pull the van out and get the wheelchair loaded but never a word from Ian.
Every afternoon Ian hangs out at Vinegar Hill, the office where I work and the company he started with his best friend David. Ian’s love for David is apparent and has me laughing most of the afternoon because they are always teasing each other about music and movies and just about everything. One of my favorites is when David helps Ian stand up and stretch. “You doing okay, Ian?” “I’d be a lot better if you weren’t standing so close to me.” You need to meet Ian to get the full effect of his humor- it’s very dry and usually shows itself most when I least expect it.
Ian is a different guy when he is home with Larissa. It’s fun to watch him when she is around. He is never totally at ease until she is with him and when she is there he has everything he needs, unless he’s hungry which is an easy problem to fix. In his home and by his bride, Ian’s sense of humor lets loose. Of the probably 20 times we’ve talked about what we are most thankful for Ian has answered “my wifey” every time. My favorite memories over the last 4 months are nights sitting around the dinner table when Ian is feeling well because he usually has us all laughing.
Not that long ago we were in the car driving home from a night at a friends house. Ian prayed for me because I wasn’t feeling well. I don’t remember much of the prayer but this part has stayed in my mind- ‘God you know what’s happening in her body. Help her to trust you.’
Ian trusts that God knows what He is doing with his life and his body. I think that’s why Ian can laugh and love the way he does- the way that God created Ian to love. “
Ian is my best friend. The majority of my thoughts throughout the day somehow involve Ian, especially when it comes to planning or scheduling or who I want to see at 4:30 when I get home. But I’m not sure how many of those thoughts adequately answer this question by Paul Tripp: “how do I daily influence the way my spouse thinks about himself, God and life?” What a beautiful calling and responsibility we both have to each other. When I get up in the morning, I could whine to Ian about not wanting to have a job anymore, or I could read him a verse. When I’m tired at night I could be selfish and just turn over to fall asleep or I could ask him to pray for our marriage. Instead of wasting time online we could go on a walk and see God in his creation. We are to each other the most important relationship for cultivating a tender heart and disposition for the Lord. Praying for just the strength to do that.
Below is our second guest post on Power of the Home.
Kathie handed us the pre-marital counseling manual on our way out of the church building. This was big – I had seen other couples with this manual and wondered what that stage of life must have felt like. Scared? Excited? Anxious? It felt weird to be holding the white, three ring binder with the yellow card stock inserted into the clear plastic cover sleeve. “From the Ground Up,” the black, swirly ink looked me in the eye. I didnʼt know if we would ever get here, because Ian was sick, and because holding this binder meant being courageous.
But five minutes into the first message on the CD at Ianʼs momʼs house just about did me in. I sent our pastor a quick email and said that we just couldnʼt do it. His response, more than gracious, as expected, was that we could skip the binder and find another plan that would be more helpful for us.
I couldnʼt do it because the message and the chapter topics of that binder felt so, meaningless. At least to us. In that stage. It simply wasnʼt helpful for me to hear examples of the practical ways our lives would change or the specific examples of leadership and submission that we should be preparing to exhibit. We just needed our souls to be cared for. And we needed to have such a big view of God that would allow our marriage to feel possible. We knew that Ianʼs leadership would look different than the examples in that binder. We knew that my submission would be manifested differently too. The content in that binder has and will continue to help so many marriages, and is so important. But it wasnʼt for us.
But God still met us. Clinging to His word, particularly the illustration of Christʼs covenant keeping love to the church (Ephesians 5:22-33), we sought to understand what this would look like in our lives. We had regular counsel with our pastor and talked about what our lives specifically would look like, as much as we could anticipate. We prayed a lot. We teeter-tottered between fear and peace. We wondered if we would someday grow old and watch our grandkids play. We wondered if our marriage would be brief, being ended in youth by death. And we wondered how in the world we would enjoy each other every disabled day.
Now nearing our two year anniversary, as I sit and write this, Ian is holding my right foot on his lap. Heʼs watching me type as the fan hums, desperately trying to pull the cool air out of the vents on a humid night. I look up and heʼs looking right at me, “Are you uncomfortable, Larissa?” “No, Iʼm ok. Thank you for asking.” “You looked uncomfortable.”My smile sneaks up, because this is enjoyment, a husband that watches me, and sits with me, and loves. And because we have a God that is bigger than our marriage, we can rest.
i love the emails that i read in the middle of the night. recently not sleeping full through, it’s fun to check my email since i’m awake anyway and see what God is doing while i sleep.
one of those emails was a request from Darlene who from Time Warp Wife, asking to re-post our video and a recent post. the content from us isn’t new, but it’s a super fun blog to check out.
we were recently asked to write two guest blog posts for Power of the Home. Our first ran this week – you can check it out here. look for post two later this week!
the best type of weekend is one filled with family. tonight as we go to bed, all of the rooms in our house are full. my parents, siblings and their babies are all sleeping quietly.
our little ranch is overflowing with life and we love it.
Because of your generous purchases of our pray for Ian t-shirts, we’re able to send an extra $400 to our sponsor children in Africa. Thank you for being part of changing these boy’s lives. It’s an honor.
We’re hoping to get some more shirts in soon so that we can continue to bless others.
one of our readers asked us to post about community, and the role that it plays in our lives, especially with ian’s disability.
the next day after that email was sent, our lawn mower stopped working while devon was mowing for us. i sent an email that evening to a man in our church, and by the next morning he wrote back to say he would be by that afternoon. by 2:00, i received another email that it was fixed.
that’s what community has been to us. being involved in a church that is dedicated to serving others with gratefulness.
even though it can seem that we are always on the “asking” end, which we are, God has helped us to have humility. it can also seem that we don’t have much of a role in the church – we can’t serve in children’s ministry, or lead a care group, or play on the worship team. but as believers, we do have a role in the community of the church and our community at large.
we’re surrounded by our biological family and our church family who are always willing to give and help us. like any marriage, ours is not just two people. our marriage is a whole church.
even now as i write this, ian is with his brother caleb and i get a whole day to myself. caleb said that sounds lonely, but it sounds perfect to me. and without community, this wouldn’t happen.
“ian, we’re being given a car for free. should we sell ours or give it away too?”
“we have to give it away.”
he’s a profoundly solid and simple leader. because of that, it’s usually a joy to follow his direction. especially when it came to the car. he knew that because we were being blessed with a car for free, that we could in turn bless someone else just as much. i might not have made that decision on my own. or, i could have just not told him, and made the decision myself.
that’s where being married to a husband with a brain injury relies solely on the work of the Holy Spirit in my heart. it is tempting to just make decisions, spend money, or do things without telling ian. i could get away with a lot. he’s not paying attention to the details, simply because he can’t. unless i, being his helper, bring those things to him, and allow him to lead me.
“wives, submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord.” – Ephesians 5:22.
submission for me is so clearly an action. i need to bring things to ian. he has given me the trust and confidence that i need to make some decisions on my own, like good husbands do. i don’t have to take everything to him. however, when i asked ian for an example of what that looks like, he gave me about 14 fake and sarcastic examples. so, he’s not allowed to get a quote on the blog tonight. 🙂 but truly, for example, ian doesn’t care what i make for dinner, because he says that what i make is always good.
what does matter though is that i try to cultivate a heart of submission, even though it doesn’t look like submission in a lot of other marriages from the outside. but i think the heart issue is probably still the same. and i am so thankful that the Holy Spirit dwells in me, because without, i would make a terrible mess of our marriage and we would probably be broke.
so tonight i’m thankful that i have a God who lives in me and in our marriage.
