I walked a mile with pleasure;
She chattered all the way,
But left me none the wiser
for all she had to say.

I walked a mile with Sorrow;
And ne’er a word said she;
But,oh, the things I learned from her
when sorrows walked with me.

Robert Browning Hamilton “Along the Road”

love to my husband as he starts year 27. may it be filled with knowing god more deeply and sweetly.

Ian – I’m so grateful that you were born and that you continue to pursue god in the midst of severe affliction. You bring us much joy and bring god much glory.

Love to you always, Ian

Laris

He was the old Ian, talking constantly, walking, recounting tiny details of his day. He was telling me that over the past week, he was really disappointed that I hadn’t bought any juice at the grocery store, because he was sick of water. And I was so happy.

And then I woke up, the dream ending, turning over in bed to see my disabled Ian. And as each time I have these dreams, I wake up to a reality that feels colder, sadder, and not as fun as my dreams. The healthy Ian slips back into the past and a fractured day follows, a result of the absolute strangeness of brain injuries. A strangeness that forces me to be in love with two versions of Ian.

Unfortunately, I don’t know what to do with dreams that are happier than life. It’s probably normal, but without getting into interpreting dreams which I’ve never loved to do, I fall short in understanding what god is doing in us while we sleep. If even the winds obey him, then surely my dreams do too. And that’s where I get stuck – why would god give me little glimpses of life with Ian better, only to snap me back into sadness with my alarm?

I don’t want to stay there, though. Instead, I’d rather think of these dreams as being preludes to heaven. That’s the only place that I’m guaranteed to see healthy Ian. And that’s where we will know happiness, fully.

Instead of dreading these dreams, maybe I should welcome them. Or, I can at least try.

Thank you, always

I&L

I hate brain injuries. And cancer. And I hate that they will be a source of sadness for all of our days spent here.

But what I have to end on, even on the days that make even less sense than normal, is that “he lives that death may die.” even if I were to spend all my days here trying to figure out this mess, someday, we’ll both get to heaven. Because Jesus defeated death and took away its sting.

So on this easter, we’re thankful that death has lost. And brain injuries and cancer will never make their way into heaven. We’ll outrun them, in the end.

Thank you, always

I&L

So glad we get to be an aunt and uncle. And are looking forward to meeting Murphy baby #3 in may to Ben and Jan.

Thank you for your prayers

“forever god is faithful. Forever god is strong”

Unlike us, god is forever faithful. His word given to us cannot be false nor can it prove unfaithful. Unlike our feelings. And unlike our relationships, where we constantly fail, sin, and forget to love through mercy.

Also unlike us, god is strong – a strength too big for our minds to know. And in sickness or sadness or mental unrest or loss, we see our weakness stark against a great and strong god. And we may be called to wait in weakness, sometimes until heaven, but we are called to wait resting on a faithful and strong god.

god please help us to rest.

Thank you for praying

I&L

I’m grateful that I’m waking up next to my best friend on my 27th birthday. Im grateful that i was born on my dads 30th birthday. I’m grateful for two incredible parents, and the two more that marriage brought me. I’m thankful for my 10 siblings and their five children. I’m grateful that even when we don’t feel well, god remains unchanged.

Above all, I’m grateful that Jesus died to grant me life, and that no matter what 27 brings, “the lines have fallen for me in pleasant places. Indeed I have a beautiful inheritance.”

Love
Larissa

I know that we just recently quoted spurgeon, but this one is good too. And it’s just a few sentences:

If god should always rock us in the cradle of prosperity…and no bitter drops in the wine of this life…we would dream that we were standing – and stand we should but it would be upon a pinnacle; like the man asleep on the mast, each moment we would be in jeopardy…continued worldly prosperity is a fiery trial.

Afflictions though they seem severe in mercy oft are sent.

– c spurgeon

he who would glorify his god must set his account upon meeting with many trials. no man can be illustrious before the lord unless his conflicts be many. if then, yours be a much-tried path, rejoice in it, because you will the better show forth the all-sufficient grace of god. as for his failing you, never dream of it – hate the thought. the god who has been sufficient until now should be trusted to the end.

– charles spurgeon

i’ve started reading Kisses from Katie, available at Amazon, a lovely story so far about a 20-year old who lives in Uganda and has adopted 14 children. in just reading the forward, i was motivated in my need to give my life to the service of the Lord and was particularly moved by this description of her meeting the orphanage children:

“the truth is, i saw myself in those little faces. I looked at them and felt this love that was unimaginable and knew that this is the way God sees me. the children would run to me with gifts of stone or dirt and i saw myself, filthy and broken, offering my life to the god of the universe and begging him to make it into something beautiful. i sit here in a broken world, small and dirty at his feet, and he who sits on high chooses to commune with me, to love me anyway. he blinds himself to my sin and my filth so that he can forge a relationship with me. and this is what he did for me with these precious children. he blinded me to the filth and disease, and i saw only children hungry for love that i was eager to share with them. i adored them, not because of who i was, but because of who he is. i just sat right down on that cold, hard floor and snuggled my nose into their dirty necks and kissed their fungus-covered heads and didn’t even see it. i was in love.”

i was moved by how much this also describes our marriage – both ian and i have entered into our marriage with nothing to offer and of no good in ourselves. and i have chosen to marry a man who is not able to even attempt to use works to win my heart, but is completely dependent on jesus’ perfect view of him.

thank you, always,
i&l