I was reminded again tonight through this song of how lost we can feel in our trials, griefs, sadness, confusion. It so often becomes unclear of what we are supposed to do, how we are to respond. Many of us are in situations that we can’t change so not only are we in situations that we don’t necessarily desire, but we don’t always know how to correctly respond to them either. I don’t want Ian’s life to be like this, and I don’t always clearly know how we are to respond since he hasn’t been healed yet. And then the rare times when I am thinking clearly, and do feel like I know how I should respond, I’m too tired to act on that truth anyway.
God gently reminded me and reminded Ian through this song that God is always our vision. Whether we are waking or sleeping, understanding or confused, thinking clearly or swallowed by sadness, he is our light. He will continue to be our vision- it’s not dependent on us or our response. God promises to be with us, whether we feel that He is or not.
This life is very, very hard and many, many people are travelling the broken road as wearied and tired bodies. Ian’s road has been much more broken than I could ever have imagined. This man that I love dearly is severely afflicted and there is nothing that I can do to fix it. I can’t heal him but how I desperately wish I could. But we have to press on, and hold fast that God is our vision and that he somehow will strengthen us to finish this race well- whether we feel like we can or not- and we’ll try to laugh along the way. He will be our vision leading us to heaven.
Just a short blog to let everyone know that we’re still alive (although it wouldn’t be such a bad thing at all if we weren’t, right? It would mean we were seeing Jesus). I don’t have much to update on- just taking one day at a time. Ian keeps plugging away at therapy and working hard at home too.
For those praying for Ian, specific requests would be initation and speech.
Last night I asked Ian what keeps him motivated to keep fighting through this. Right away he said, “God’s glory.”
It’s so wonderful to get glimpses of Ian’s heart and to hear from Ian that the Holy Spirit is still at work in him. It is such a clear example that our salvation is based on faith alone and not works. There are few works that Ian can do, yet the Holy Spirit is caring for him and sanctifying him to become more like Christ. What a pure view of faith Ian must have, knowing that there is nothing that he can physically do to serve God or try to win his favor. Yet here is Ian, obviously prospering spiritually and believing truth about God.
I’ve noticed over the past few days that Ian’s clarity of thought has improved so much. He hasn’t said anything confusing in a really long time. That is a very, very specifc prayer being answered by God and it encourages me to continue to pray.
Please pray for initation for Ian and for his clarity of speech.
Today I asked Ian to tell me one thing that he’s learned about God through his trial. His answer: “He is good.”
This is a magnificent example of the holy spirit’s activity in ian’s life. apart from god, no one who has experienced even near the pain that ian has would be able to say that god is good. and some of us may feel like we can only say “god is good” after we have been through the trial and are able to look back on all of the ways that god orchestrated it for our good. but ian is saying this inthe midst of his trial. how that convicts me- and how it points me to our savior, for the assurance of his salvation is what ian is banking on when he says that god is good.
when i asked ian what his biggest spiritual struggle has been or what aspect of god this trial has made it difficult to believe in, he said “nothing.”
Today I was reminding Ian of how close he was to dying after his accident- that we had even contacted the funeral home. I asked him what that made him think and he said “why am i still here?” he said that he meant that in a hopeful way, and when i asked what it showed him about God’s character, he said, “that he’s merciful.”
although it surfaces as a temptation at times, ian is not angry at god for what happened to him. with all of his limitations, his daily struggles, his temporary inabilities, he has many worldly reasons to say “why am i still alive” in a way that charges god for what happened. but he has never conveyed that attitude to me. he sees god’s hand of mercy in the fact that he is still alive, that he is still able to spend time with the people that he loves. this is only a work of grace allowing ian to keep his salvation more central in his thoughts than his suffering.
i’ve mentioned this so many times on the blog, that no one has affected my walk with the lord more than ian, and no one has represented christ better to me in my life than ian. thank you, ian, for continuing to challenge me and point me to christ. i’m still praying for complete healing and that you see the goodness of the lord in the land of the living.
Last night, Ian asked me what I needed prayer for. I was instantly taken back to him being in The Children’s Institute, let alone the ICU, sleeping all day, not even being able to lift his head in therapy. Now he’s asking me what I need prayer for. I so often take for granted all that God has done in Ian already. But in that moment, I realized how amazing it is that he can talk to me and ask me questions. God has been so kind to Ian and has shown him ceaseless mercy.
My heart so quickly becomes ungrateful and so quickly turns to the healing that I still want to see in Ian. It’s wonderful to keep asking for more- I believe that it honors the Lord that we would keep asking, because it shows our faith in him as an endless supply of mercy and healing. But I want to be more grateful for the prayers that we’ve been asking for so long and have now been answered.
Thank you, always, for praying with and for Ian. Let’s keep praying for more and more healing. Maybe, just maybe, we will see the end of this trial here on earth.
We’ve been praying that Ian would be able to more consistently initiate in a variety of ways and in particular in communication. A friend recently observed that initiating in conversation can be a problem for a lot of people, but it’s especially a challenge for Ian because of his injuries. He will occasionally cross the bridge of communication without our prompting or encouragement, but our prayer is that he would do it more consistently.
He took me by surprise recently when the two of us were sitting on our patio, and I was babbling about some vintage cars our neighbor has. I remarked that his intention was to hold onto them until they became classic cars at which point he would sell them. I heard Ian clearly ask me, “when will that be?” It was as though I turned around to discover he was staring at me from my side of the bridge without me noticing him cross over. Reflecting back, I’m not sure I answered him coherently; I was so startled!
That kind of communication is what we’re praying for. We want to hear him tell us he’s hungry or thirsty or hot or cold. We want him to show us his humor again (which we’ve seen glimpses of recently). I miss the spiritual conversation we used to have. We’re praying that the Lord would restore all form of communication.
Hope this helps be more specific in prayer for him. Thanks for praying.
