Leviticus is not one of those books I read often, but I’ve been listening to it on my iPod (I bought the whole Bible on CD once and transferred it to my iPod). I don’t think I would have enjoyed being a priest if that had been my calling. One sin required an individual to submit an animal to a priest for slaughter. The process a priest was required to go through to sacrifice the animal properly appears to be a gruesome, exhausting and time-consuming one; at the end of it there was blood everywhere and the smell of burning flesh in the air. Just when the priest was finished with that long process, he would likely have turned around to find someone else standing in line with another animal to sacrifice. Each sacrifice of an animal represented one sin – only ONE sin! By the time the priest was done with my sacrifice for sin, I would have to have a few more sacrifices waiting for him!
But, Christ died for my sins! He died for ALL of them. I don’t have wait in line to apply his sacrifice to my new sins. In his death, he forgave all my sin. “Amazing Grace, how sweet the sound, that saved a wretch like me!” And, because of his death for me, God also will show me favor throughout my life. “The Lord has promised good to me…”
These promises apply to Ian, too. Ian’s sin is forgiven, and the Lord has promised to do good to him. With my finite mind, I can’t comprehend how that could be so given his current condition, but I trust God to fulfill his promise somehow.
Ian had an eventful Thanksgiving with his cousins visiting. He’s back into a routine this week of visiting therapists. It had been almost two weeks since we sat him up to practice “trunk control,” but we got him up a couple nights ago. It took him a little while to remember what it was like, but it came back to him. He was sitting on his own. Larissa has been taking him out frequently to church meetings and other outings which he seems to enjoy. We continue to try various therapies to help him.
Driving back from my sister’s house yesterday, I realized how unattractive this time of year is. All of the leaves have fallen and all that’s left are the bare, brown outlines of the trees. The grass is only green in small patches- the rest is brown or yellow. Every year I look forward to fall, and then that quickly the leaves are gone. It seems like just a few days before it was so beautiful out but it suddenly turned ugly.
The good thing though is that soon it will snow. The bare outlines will be covered with snow and even though I hate the cold, I love the look of fresh snow. And it’s pretty much a guarantee that we’ll have snow living in western Pennsylvania, so we can look forward to when it’s beautiful again.
It’s the same with our lives too. Life seemed to be going along so beautifully. On September 29, I spent the evening with Ian’s family and his grandparents. On Sept. 30 our lives moved into the hospital. There wasn’t any warning, and now we’re living a life that isn’t very pretty. What we’re expericing isn’t attractive and I can’t wait for it to be over. But, this isn’t all that there is. God has many promises still coming to us. One day, our lives will seem beautiful again. One day, this season of sadness will be over.
“I believe that I shall look upon the goodness of the Lord in the land of the living.”
“Nothing teaches us about the preciousness of Creator as much as when we learn the emptiness of everything else. Turning away with bitter scorn from earth’s hives, where we find no honey, but many sharp stings, we rejoice in Him whose faithful word is sweeter than honey or the honeycomb. In every trouble we should first seek to realize God’s presence with us. Only let us enjoy His smile, and then we can bear our daily cross with a willing heart for his dear sake.”
Charles Spurgeon
I want that mindset to rejoice in Him whose faithful word is sweeter than honey…
Ian has been awake for much more of the day now, which provides more opportunity to just hang out with him. I’ve been thinking lately about how sweet he is with Lydia. If she’s on his lap I’ll say, “Ian, tickle her arm.” And he does! He always reaches for her as soon as she’s on his lap. One time she was laying in bed with him so her face was really close to his. He just turned his head and was looking at her so sweetly. He reached over with his arm, as if just to hold her.
These are such sweet tokens to us that Ian is still with us…
….is something that God has been teaching me about a lot lately. Mercy is undeserved favor. I have more thoughts than I can put together right now (I should’ve gone to bed awhile ago but Ian’s wide awake and I’d rather be with him!) but it’s been on my heart so much lately. And mercy in so many forms. I want to understand this deeper, but it is God’s mercy that we do not all suffer horrible things on earth and we do not suffer in the ways that we deserve. And for those of us that do suffer, we still have no comprehension of what God’s wrath would feel like- only Jesus knows that.
Visiting a friend in the hospital tonight, I was reminded of another kind of mercy. God has had much mercy on Ian physically from day one. He has suffered much but he has received much by the way of healing. That he still has his life seems to me more like mercy on our family than it is on him. Ian would be perfected if he were to be in heaven right now- but instead God kept him here for us to enjoy.
Mercy is something that I want to continue to learn about, because it’s incredible.
Ian’s therapists were thrilled at what he did in speech. They didn’t have time to give details, but they said it was the best yet that he’s done.
Thank you, as always, one year and one month later, for still praying
“Yes, and I will rejoice, for I know that through your prayers and the help of the Spirit of Jesus Christ this will turn out for our deliverance, as it is our eager expectation and hope that we will not be at all ashamed, but that with full courage now as always Christ will be honored in our bodies, whether by life or by death. For to me to live is Christ, and to die is gain.”
Ian has come a long way. We have something of a routine in the evening that includes helping Ian re-learn to sit up. We were reminding ourselves of how far he’s come in that area. When we first started six months ago or so, he could barely hold his head up. Then we noticed he was holding his head up, but he couldn’t keep his body from lunging around in different directions. Then, at another point we were noticing how much better he was doing with that. We have a bar attached to the therapy table I made that we would have him try to use to hold himself up, but he couldn’t seem to grab the bar with any consistency. Then, we noticed he did that with consistency. I created another attachment for the table that would keep him from falling backwards hard onto the therapy table, and we’ve noticed he doesn’t need that anymore. Last night, we noticed he probably doesn’t even need the bar anymore. He holds himself up well. He’s making progress, but it’s so painfully slow.
This is the season God has given all of us. This is the day that the Lord has made. We will be glad and rejoice in it despite the pain we’re experiencing.
Even if Ian were to be healed completely tonight, that would not be the most amazing thing that God has done in his life. The story of Ian’s salvation is far greater than any story of healing. The story of the cross is far more glorious than any story of healing leppers. God came looking for Ian and saved him. God plucked his feet out of the net, delivered him from his sin, and gave him eternity. God has dealt mercifully with Ian. God willed Jesus to die on the cross and be punished for every sin that Ian ever has or ever will commit. Ian has been spared from much. Ian has been given a new heart, a heart of flesh, a heart that loves God and desires to please him. What a drastic change from the heart of stone that he had prior to being saved.
Oh to remember this above all else. Above any coma, any sickness, any sadness. To give God the glory that He deserves for what He has done…
‘To live is Christ, to die is gain’.Phil 1:21 Which of these will be our portion, God himself will decide.”
-John Piper
As of today, Ian will be kicking his left foot to say “no.” This will help the therapists and us to distinquish more easily between yes and no. Yes will still be a long blink. I right away thought that him using his foot sounded really dumb because it seems like such a step backward from normal communication. But it is a means to an end, and ultimately we just want Ian to be able to communicate his needs clearly.
