The man declares, I am weary, O God; I am weary, O God, and worn out.
Surely I am too stupid to be a man. I have not the understanding of a man.
I have not learned wisdom, nor have I knowledge of the Holy One.
Who has ascended to heaven and come down? Who has gathered the wind in his fists? Who has wrapped up the waters in a garment? Who has established all the ends of the earth? What is his name, and what is his son’s name? Surely you know!
Every word of God proves true; he is a shield to those who take refuge in him.
Proverbs 30:1-5
We should take refuge in Him because of this! When we are weary we can trust in the God who has ascended into heaven and come down, who has gathered the wind in His fists, who has wrapped up the waters in a garment, who has established all the end of the earth. This is an amazing God, surely He can be our refuge!
Those three seemingly simple words were in one of the songs that we sang at Resolved tonight, our church’s campus ministry. My Faithful God. If only I could believe that in just half of my thoughts throughout the day. Before this trial, I could’ve said those three words light-heartedly. Now instead I need to shout them in my mind because I so badly need to believe them.
God has proven his faithfulness to us again and again. But I have not yet found the way on my own to keep my mind focused on his faithfulness in my past instead of looking only at the trials of today. This is where I need grace. This is where Ian needs grace.
Please consider fasting with us on Wednesday. Specific prayer is that Ian would be able to communicate to us with his blinking. The therapists at the hospital are having trouble with his consistency in communicating with them. We’re not sure if this is because of his mood or because he hasn’t built up trust with them yet or really what it is. Pray that God would help him to communicate clearly.
I don’t know. I may never know in this life how our very difficult experiences with Ian are good when I think about the way that we typically define “good”. I realized recently how much we define how “good” an experience is by how pleasurable it is for us. Or, we define good by the benefit it provides us like a nasty tasting cough medicine that, despite its taste, quiets the cough almost instantly. We sometimes even define it more altruistically and say to ourselves, “well, if what we’re going through is good for others…I guess I can endure and be the heroic sacrificial lamb.” We just can’t help defining that word without ourselves as the central focus, but “good” is shallow defined that way. These trials aren’t good in those ways. They’re not pleasurable, and I really don’t see clearly how they’re good for us (though I’m sure ultimately eternity’s light will help me see them that way).
But, again, I’m reminded that these trials are not about us.
Scripture says, “You are good and do good” (Ps 119:68). I have to stare at this verse and in faith acknowledge that not only is God good, but he DOES good. Somehow, some way, therefore, these trials are good. But not in the way we typically define the word. Peter’s words in 1 Peter 1:6-7 are like guard rails on a dark path guiding me through dark trials: “you have been grieved by various trials, so that the tested genuineness of your faith — more precious than gold that perishes though it is tested by fire — may be found to result in praise and glory and honor at the revelation of Jesus Christ.” I’m grieved by these trials. They’re certainly testing my faith in God which I know is genuine. The revealing of the genuineness of my faith results in praise and glory and honor to God. That’s good. That’s very, very good.
Pray for Ian.
Steve (with some of Larissa’s edits too:)
p.s. from larissa- Ian clearly indicated to me tonight that he is sad. He also responded when I asked him if he wanted life to be normal again. Please pray that God would encourage him……
Ian had some of his best sessions of sitting up this week. He is obviously getting much stronger and is working so hard to figure out how to balance himself again. A few times that he was sitting up he was using his voice at the same time. I was encouraging to keep talking to us, even if it doesn’t seem to make sense. We had good reports from the therapy at the hospital as well.
So will Ian ever come back? I don’t know. I don’t know God’s will. But I am encouraged that Ian has had no set-backs, only progress. I will not put my hope in that, but God continues to answer our prayers and continues to be kind to us.
Ian was with a speech therapist today. They had him using a “board” we’ve used here at home to help him communicate with us. On the board are two choices that are potential answers to a question – one is correct and the other is not. He’s given a wooden spoon or some other pointing device, and he has to choose the answer to a question. When we first reported that he could do this, he was getting the answers right 70% of the time. Today, he got a perfect score! The speech therapist was very excited about his progress.
Larissa’s parents were in for a visit this weekend. Ian was thumb wrestling with her mom. How can he do stuff like that (something he might have done prior to the wreck), but he can’t talk to us? The brain is a mysterious thing. “I praise you, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made” (Ps 139:14).
Ian has been pretty sleepy this week. It might be from outpatient therapy, but really there’s no way to tell what’s causing it. He had a great session of sitting up last night- it was probably his best one yet. He’s getting much stronger and is able to hold himself up for longer amounts of time. Tonight his back was hurting and didn’t want to sit up. He tends to have back aches a lot so that is a good point of prayer.
We’re so blessed to have had such warm weather this fall because it means we can spend a lot of time out on the patio with Ian. It will be really weird when it’s too cold, because we’ve literally been out there every day with him since he came home.
Thank you, as always, for praying for Ian. Please pray that he would not have back pain. Pray that he would continue to communicate with us. Pray that the Lord would give him endurance and that he would return to us soon.
“Heart of my own heart, whatever befall, Still be my vision, O ruler of all.”
This is one of the photos that hangs in our house; it’s Caleb, Ben, and Ian.
I was struck recently by a phrase in Exodus 14. The people of Israel were backed up against the sea with the Egyptian army pursuing them. They were afraid, and they were accusing Moses of leading them out into the desert to die. Moses responded with a specific promise that the Egyptians would be overthrown, but what struck me was what he said after that. He told them that the Lord would fight for them. He told them, “you have only to be silent.” What a posture of trust God required of them! They had no where to run from an army that, from their perspective, was about to slaughter them, and they were simply to stay put and be quiet. It seems, though, that the Lord would require a similar posture of every believer no matter what their situation. We may not be required to stay put but to move forward. Both require the same posture, though. What a challenge to me in this situation with Ian. I have only to be silent and wait for the Lord. Help me, Lord.
Ian continues to surprise us with the things that he’s able to do. Today, Heather asked him to lift his knees to his chest while he laid on his back. She had a strap around his knees to help him, but when she asked him to do it he did. They did that a few times. Small steps.
“but God shows his love for us in that while we were still sinners, Christ died for us.” (Romans 5:8).
When we were still rebelling against him, God the Father implemented his plan to save us. It was to send God the Son, Jesus, to earth. There, he would live the life that we should have lived, and then die the death that we were unkowingly headed towards. Jesus gladly gave himself to this plan to save us.
“Let us fix our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfecter of our faith, who for the joy set before him endured the cross, scorning its shame, and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God.” (Hebrews 12:2)
Today, Ian, Lydia, Larissa, and my mom went to Reeger’s Farm, one of Indiana’s favorite Autumn activities. This picture is of when Ian, Larissa, and some friends went to Reeger’s two years ago.
