My friend and I just took a trip to Florida and all during my trip, I found myself thinking, worrying rather, “Will Ian ever see the beach again? Will he ever fly in a plane? Will he swim in the ocean again?” Those are some of the most fun things in the world to do, and it made me really sad to think that Ian may never be able to do them again. I know that God can still heal Ian completely, but I also know that that might not be His will. I had to fight during those moments to remind myself that even if Ian never sees the beach again, the beauty of the beach or the fun of playing in the ocean does not hold a flame to what Ian will experience in heaven when he sees Jesus face to face. And I must continue to believe that Ian is feeling God’s presence right now in a way that we cannot understand, and that the experience of God’s presence is far more satisfying than spending an afternoon playing in the ocean.
Ian didn’t want to wake up when I first got home because he’d had a long day. He finally did though and was more active than I’d seen him in awhile. He was moving his head around a lot and made an expression with his eyes that I’d never seen before either. Later on when we were outside, he was using his voice for awhile when I was asking him how his week was. It wasn’t groaning either- it was like he was trying really hard to talk to me.
In a few days it will be eight months since the accident. That is so long. That means that almost half of our relationship now has been spent in a hospital room or wheelchair. Please continue to pray with us that God would completely restore Ian.
“Think about His love. Think about His goodness. Think about His grace, that brought us through. For as high as the heavens above, so great is the measure of our father’s love. Great is the measure of our father’s love.”
It’s as though he’s really trying hard. Heather, a long time friend and someone who has known Ian all his life, came today to work with Ian. She said he really cooperated with some things, though other things he resisted. She did get him to cross his feet. She also noticed that he seems to be swallowing better which, if he can do it consistently, is significant progress. Later, another friend and speech therapist, Amanda, visited and noticed again that he was cooperating with the things she would ask him to do. Tonight, Bill, an attendant care worker, noticed the same kinds of things. His comment was that Ian seemed to work so hard at focusing on the tasks at hand, it probably wore him out. He’s really tired tonight.
I was reading today’s entry from Spurgeon’s Faith’s Checkbook. He begins with explaining that God’s prophet, Isaiah, meant it for the Israelites in their war with Cyrus but then, only as he can, extends the application, as it should be, to all of His children because He never changes.
“I will go before thee, and make the crooked places straight: I will break in pieces the gates of brass, and cut in sunder the bars of iron.” (Isaiah 45:2)
“This was for Cyrus; but it is evermore the heritage of all the Lord’s own spiritual servants. Only let us go forward by faith, and our way will be cleared for us. Crooks and turns of human craft and satanic subtlety shall be straightened for us; we shall not need to track their devious windings. The gates of brass shall be broken, and the iron bars which fastened them shall be cut asunder. We shall not need the battering ram nor the crowbar: the Lord Himself will do the impossible for us, and the unexpected shall be a fact.
Let us not sit down in coward fear. Let us press onward in the path of duty, for the Lord hath said it: “I will go before thee.” Ours not to reason why; ours but to dare and dash forward. It is the Lord’s work, and He will enable us to do it: all impediments must yield before Him. Hath He not said, “I will break in pieces the gates of brass”! What can hinder His purpose or balk His decrees? Those who serve God have infinite resources. The way is clear to faith though barred to human strength. When Jehovah says, “I will,” as He does twice in this promise, we dare not doubt.”
The Murphy’s are doing their work, and it is hard. Our work or “war”, so to speak, it to pray for Ian. What an encouragement God gives us from His word. My favorite line of the entry is, “We shall not need the battering ram nor the crowbar: the Lord Himself will do the impossible for us andthe unexpected shall be a fact.”
Human might, nor skill, nor reasoning could not save Ian’s life, but God did. Human strength did not heal the fractured vertebrae in his neck, but God did. Human skill did not put together the ligaments in his knee, but God did. The unexpected became fact for us.
Let’s continue to pray to the One, who’s purposes cannot, will not be hindered and expect the impossible from Him for Ian. No amount of human strength or reasoning can bring him back to us, but, as Spurgeon confirms what the Word of God says, “Those who serve God have infinite resources” because He is infinite, He loves His people and He answers our prayers. And he loves Ian. Let’s remember that, “The prayer of a righteous man is powerful and effective.” (James 5:16) Let’s continue to pray, with hearts filled with faith and confidence in the One who crushed His own Son in order to make us His children so that we could come, boldly, before His throne and ask our Father that He would restore Ian to His family and Larissa better than he left us.
“Don’t leave me as the older brother, Ian,” I remember saying a few days after his accident, when he was dying and I was preparing to say my last goodbye. We were in the intensive care unit in a Pittsburgh hospital, and I thought I was seeing my brother for the last time.
Today, I was thinking about that conversation. Althought I hoped and prayed he would live, I couldn’t expect him to. My family and I were ready to accept that Ian’s time on earth was through and that we would see him again in heaven.
“I want to understand God’s providence, but I can’t,” a friend told me today. Like him, I don’t understand why God works how he does, but I realize that He is always wise and loves us through Christ. If he had chosen to take Ian then, we could still be sure of his loving control. This same truth about God is as true now as it was in the ICU: God loves those who follow him and he is working everything for their good.
Some of the time, we’re able to communicate with Ian through asking him questions to which he’ll respond “yes” with a long blink. The other night, Ian responded to one of my questions with a deliberate headshake; a definite “no” answer. Pray that God will continue healing Ian, specifically that we’ll be able to communicate with each other more often and more effectively.
If you’ve ever driven the mountain highways between Indiana and Altoona, you know that at times they can be pretty foggy making it very difficult to drive. Recently, I was remembering a time when I had to drive that stretch in the fog and how challenging it was. I had to focus on the lines in the road and on the tail lights ahead of me to keep my bearings. I knew that if I drifted one way I could collide with another car ahead or behind me. Drifting the other way was just as treacherous. I had to slow down and focus hard on those lines to keep on track. I also had to focus on the tail lights ahead of me to gauge my speed and to anticipate which way the road would turn next.
That story came back to me as I thought about how challenging this situation is with Ian. It’s treacherous to drift off our course and acknowledge fearful thoughts. If I give in, I’ll be in trouble. It’s also tempting to embrace and act on selfish, complaining thoughts, but that’s just as treacherous. I have to focus hard on the lines provided in Scripture, the incredible promises and truths of Scripture. God is faithful and powerful and kind and good and very much involved. His favor is very much on our lives, though I don’t always see it clearly. I have to stay focused on the One who leads us just ahead trusting that He knows where He’s taking us. The Lord has been helping us.
Ian continues to be very alert, though he still can’t communicate with us. He moves around a lot, now, stretching and shifting. None of these things were happening in the last three weeks he was in the hospital. I don’t know where we’re going with Ian, but I trust the Lord is doing something.
Thank you for praying for Ian…we want him to talk to us.
Ian and I had our first date tonight in seven months. I remember that the last one we went on was to Cozumel, a Mexican restaurant, two days before the accident. I was looking forward to it all day and throughout the day when Mary asked Ian about it, he communicated that he remembered too that we had a date planned. We drove around town and went to some of the places that we used to go to. Steve came to our rescue after a slight mishap with Ian’s head rest falling off but after that we were good. Ian was awake the whole time just looking out the window. We drove around IUP and to my old apartment building. I tried to find the Murphy’s old house on Grandview Ave and then we went to St. Bernard’s church, which is up on a big hill and has a great view of town. We stopped by Jen and Stephen’s and the four of us hung out in the van for awhile. It was nice to just do normal things with Ian, even if we have to do them a little bit differently and it was nice to just have a special time with him like our dates before.
“As to myself, if I had been told what I was to learn through these protracted sufferings, I am afraid I should have shrunk back in terror and so have lost all the sweet lessons God propsed to teach me. As it is, he has led me on, step by step, answering my prayers in his own way and I cannot bear to have a single human being doubt that it has been a perfect way. I love and adore it just as it is.” -Elizabeth Prentiss
Thank you for praying for Ian. Please pray that God restores him completely and that on our next date, he’ll be the one driving:)
Ian continues to spend way more time awake now that he’s home than he did in the hospital. He had a good session with speech today. Amanda and Heather, two women from our church who are very, very graciously working with Ian, held up two pieces of paper. One said “yes” and one said “no.” At this point, they just asked Ian to point one of the pieces, and he did. They are working on him pointing to the word that he wants to use to answer a question, but the fact that he can just point at the paper is great. Tonight I asked him to hold a book for me while I grabbed something else and right away he put his hand out to hold the book.
I recently started a part-time job and if anything, it has made me appreciate even more the fact that Ian is home. It is such a blessing to see him first thing in the morning and have devotional time with him and then see him as soon as I get home. I’ve been reading through Genesis with Ian and while I already can’t remember all of the stories that I’ve read throughout the chapters, God’s faithfulness is displayed to me every day that I read. He was faithful to men like Abraham and Isaac, however many years ago that was. He gave them many promises about their offspring or about the land that would be theirs, and he fulfilled all of those promises, many in their lifetimes. God has promised that He will deliver us (Psalm 34:17) and that He will always be with us (Joshua 1:9). I’m praying that Ian sees deliverance from this in his lifetime.
Keep clinging to the cross, Ian. God will deliver you.
I remember when Ian was a very young boy how everything he did was new and exciting for us. I remember the video of him banging a tamborine against his leg and how cute that was. I remember some of the funny things he said. I also remember when he would “draw” scribbles, and we would praise his attempts.
It seems we’re starting over, but this time it’s bittersweet. Today, for example, when a friend put a pen in his hand (with some coaching) he used it to make marks on a page. He also gave one of our attendant care workers, Bill, a clear shaking of his head to indicate he didn’t want drops of water put in his mouth. Ian also shook Bill’s hand tonight. These are small things, but we take some comfort in hearing these reports.
We keep encouraging Ian to use his voice, so he can tell us when he’s in pain or when he needs something. Please keep praying that he would use his voice.
“I never would have been able to comfort anguished seekers if I myself had not been kept waiting for mercy. I have always felt grateful for distress because of the results afterward. Many saints whose experiences are published could never have written those books if they had not waited hungry and thirsty and full of soul sorrow. The spade of agony digs deep trenches to hold the water of life. If the ships of prayer do not speedily return, it is because they are heavily loaded with blessings. When prayer is not immediately answered, it will be all the sweeter when the answer arrives. Prayer, like fruit, is ripened by hanging longer on the tree. If you knock with a heavy heart, you will soon sing with the joy of the Spirit. Therefore, do no be discouraged because the door is still closed.”
My friend and I just took a trip to Florida and all during my trip, I found myself thinking, worrying rather, “Will Ian ever see the beach again? Will he ever fly in a plane? Will he swim in the ocean again?” Those are some of the most fun things in the world to do, and it made me really sad to think that Ian may never be able to do them again. I know that God can still heal Ian completely, but I also know that that might not be His will. I had to fight during those moments to remind myself that even if Ian never sees the beach again, the beauty of the beach or the fun of playing in the ocean does not hold a flame to what Ian will experience in heaven when he sees Jesus face to face. And I must continue to believe that Ian is feeling God’s presence right now in a way that we cannot understand, and that the experience of God’s presence is far more satisfying than spending an afternoon playing in the ocean. 
