Ian had his eyes open when I got to the hospital this morning, which right away was exciting. It had been a few days since I’d seen him open his eyes. He was really angry and uncomfortable though because he had his casts on and they really bother him sometimes. When he has his casts on, he can’t reach his face, especially his eyes, so that seems to frustrate him. Since we were with him I took his casts off. That way, we could grab his hand if he was going for his eye. That’s when the fun stuff started happening.

My parents came for the day and brought Ian an early birthday gift. It was in a little gift bag so I put Ian’s hand on the bag and told him to take his gift out. So first he pulled all of the tissue paper out. Then I put his hand in the bag and told him to pull the gift out. And he did! He grabbed the DVD and pulled it out. Then he went back into the bag and found the box of golf balls that were at the very bottom and pulled those out too. Then I showed him his card and ripped it a little bit to give him a start. He kept pulling the paper that he could feel. He eventually opened the envelope and then actually grabbed the card and pulled it out. My mom and I were just laughing the whole time, almost in disbelief because it seemed like he knew exactly what he was doing. It was so exciting to see him do something so functional!

He was very aware of us today too. He would often reach for our hands. He reached for my arm a few times and pushed my sleeves up. Then he would feel his way up my arm to my shoulder and then pull my shoulder toward him like he wanted a hug. Then when he was done giving me a hug, he wasn’t shy to just push me away. One time he basically choked me by pushing me away, but I’ll give him the benefit of the doubt that he didn’t know he was choking me:)

I know it’s probably really confusing to hear about all the things that Ian does but then hear that he’s still in a coma. I definitely didn’t understand comas until Ian. It’s not like what we see in the movies, where someone in a coma just sleeps all the time. He definitely sleeps more than us but he is awake too. When he’s awake, he can hear us and seems to be aware of what’s going on around him. We’ve heard that being in a coma is like being in a tub of vaseline- anything you do takes a million times more effort than it should. I tend to think of it like he can hear us and know what’s going on, but just hasn’t made the connection yet of how to respond. It’s like he just has to discover and re-learn everything again. And he will always be on the coma scale, just like us. He’s at a 3, we’re at an 8. He goes up on the scale as he gains function.

Ian kept his eyes closed today. I could tell he was awake at times, but just wasn’t opening his eyes. His right eye is very red- redder than I’ve ever seen it I think. Please keep praying that God would heal the infection in his eye and prevent it from spreading.

His nurse said that he was being pretty feisty this morning. He kept pushing her hand away when she was trying to brush his teeth. In speech today Val was putting some things in his mouth but he kept pushing her hand away too. He’s much more oriented to his body so that when he wants to push someone away, he finds their hand almost immediately.

Tonight while I was praying with Ian, I started feeling very anxious, even in my prayers. I want so badly for him to just wake up. Sometimes that fact that I know God can heal him with one breath makes it even more frustrating! I just want to say “come on God, just do it! I know you can!” But just because I know that God is able, doesn’t mean that He has to. Just because we have faith that He can, doesn’t mean that He is going to. He will do what is perfect for us, in His perfect timing.

I knew in my anxiousness that I was not trusting God. He commands us not to worry and I need to obey Him. So I sat down in the chair next to Ian’s bed and decided that I should probably start learning what it means to “cast your cares on the Lord.” (Psalm 55:21-23) My anxiousness about when Ian will wake does not glorify God or change the situation. I found it most helpful in those few minutes to just close my eyes and try to focus on the cross. To let go of the worries about tomorrow and try to delight in what God has already accomplished for me through Jesus’ blood. Changing my thought pattern in that moment was not in my own doing or strength- on my own, I would’ve left the hospital feeling pretty discouraged. But God graciously reveals sin to us and provides a way out.

When through fiery trials thy pathway shall lie,
My grace, all-sufficient, shall be thy supply.
The flames shall not hurt thee; I only design
Thy dross to consume and thy gold to refine.
-How Firm a Foundation

We continue to pray for the infection in Ian’s eye. They put a patch over the right eye, the one that’s infected, just so he won’t rub it and make it worse. The installation of the sidewalk and driveway has still not begun because of the weather. Apart from those two major things, there are smaller things that need to be finished up, though he could move in if he could get into it.

In a conference message, David Powlison used an analogy that helps me understand what I have to do as I walk through these difficult days with Ian. He said that our worst experiences of suffering and difficulty have to be riveted to Scripture.

Rivets secure two pieces of metal together that then form a functional unit. The only picture I have of riveting is when gutters and downspouts are riveted together. When one is riveted and sealed to another, they maintain their shape and hang together, and water flows where it’s supposed to flow.

If I fail to understand my circumstances in light of Scripture and to embrace the truth of Scripture, I’m going to be anxious and in despair. That’s where my thoughts and emotions naturally go, though. My thoughts that would naturally lead me into self-pity and anxiety need to be directed upward to God who has been merciful to me, a sinner, and riveted to the truth of Scripture that God is still in control. I’m called to focus moment by moment on the One who will help me. I’m called not to worry about tomorrow. If I can daily remind myself of the truth of Scripture, I will not only be strengthened, I might actually be a channel for God’s grace to flow to others. How hard it is to reign in my thoughts and emotions! I’m noticing that’s a common theme now in our posts, but how crucial it is. Help me, Lord.

Fear not, I am with thee, O be not dismayed,
For I am thy God and will still give thee aid;
I’ll strengthen and help thee, and cause thee to stand
Upheld by My righteous, omnipotent hand.

– How Firm a Foundation –

Steve

My parents were at the Children’s Institute (where Ian is) all day learning how to conduct therapy for Ian. As soon as we can get the driveway ready for him he can come home, and we need to be prepared to take care of him.

Regarding Jesus, as he hung on a cross…
“to us, sensations such as our Lord endured would have been insupportable, and kind unconscious would have come to our rescue; but in his case, he was wounded, he felt the sword; he drained the cup and tasted every drop.” -C.H. Spurgeon

Jesus experienced pain so that our pain – Ian’s pain – would be temporary (2 Cor 4:14-18, “slight momentary affliction”).
There’s nothing greater than knowing that hard times are overshadowed (or, more accurately, made negligible) by the fact that what we need most has already been provided for:

“For I delivered to you as of first importance what I also received: that Christ died for our sins…”
(1 Corinthians 15:3).

Pray big things to our God who has done the big thing already.
Pray that Ian would be healed.

But most importantly, pray that we would recognize God as he really is, however that may best be done.

Thanks,
-Ben

…he is our help and our shield.” That’s from Ps 33:20. Donna reminded me of this verse tonight. That’s exactly where we need to be with all that’s happening around us:

• Ian is in a coma (Frank noticed that Ian followed him with his head and his eyes from one side of the bed to the other and that he seems more agitated than the last time he saw Ian).
• To get him home and get him into familiar surroundings we need good weather to get a sidewalk and driveway in, but the weather isn’t cooperating.
• We learned tonight that Ian’s primary care doctor at The Children’s Institute is no longer working for the Institute as of today – an abrupt departure – and we don’t know why.
• Tomorrow we go in for training to learn how to care for Ian. I can’t speak for Mary, but I’m intimidated.

And so we wait for the Lord. He is our help and our shield. “Let your steadfast love, O Lord, be upon us, even as we hope in you” (Ps 33:22).

Thank you for your prayers for us and for Ian.

Steve

On my drive home today I was overwhelmed thinking of all that has happened in the past six months. I was thinking back to our days spent in the ICU, remembering the smells and sounds of Ian’s room. It’s so good for me to think about where we were, because it reminds me of how far God has brought us. I randomly picked a post from November 1 and was reminded of all that God has done:

“Today, we thought he was moving to his new treatment facility, but at the last minute they discovered fluid on his brain. He won’t relocate today, but instead he will have surgery on Friday to install a shunt in his head. My son, Caleb, highlighted the kindness of God in this new development when he noted that God showed the doctors this problem before Ian moved. It’s not what I would have chosen; I’m too impatient to get moving with his therapy. But, God knows what’s right and best.”

I remember what IUP classroom I was in when Steve called and told me about the surgery for the shunt. I remember that Ben, my friend Jan and I stayed at the hospital Thursday night so we could be there on Friday while he was in surgery for his shunt. I remember that as soon as we saw him after the surgery, the swelling was visibly less on the right side of his head and he already seemed more responsive to us.

God was with us then and He is with us now. He delivered Ian from and sustained him through those seemingly dangerous surgeries and he has delivered us from nights spent sleeping on hospital floors. He has performed miracle after miracle in Ian’s body and I believe that there are more miracles on the way. In the past few days, Ian has been more able to tell us when he is uncomfortable or even angry. He pushes the nurses away when they try to put the braces on his left arm and last night he was using his voice for at least five minutes. He is able to communicate with us through facial expressions when he is uncomfortable and then we are able to help him, which is an answer to prayer.

I regularly remember when Ian came to me at Youth Camp one night to talk. He was overcome with guilt over his sin, and it was very obvious that the Holy Spirit was drawing Ian’s attention to all the sin that he had, indeed, committed. As with us all, that first encounter with the Holy Spirit’s penetrating interrogation of Ian’s heart was really only the beginning. There have been many more occasions where Ian and I discussed his sin. His awareness of his guilt before God has only grown, and his humility over his sin has been so amazing and encouraging. With his growing awareness of his sin came a growing appreciation for what Christ has done for him.

We celebrate Easter as the day Christ rose from the dead declaring to us that God was satisfied with what Christ had done. What Christ did was enough to secure our forgiveness and freedom from guilt. I remind myself of that night at Youth Camp now more than ever, because it comforts me knowing that my Savior is his Savior, too. God is for Ian, because Christ died and rose again and because I know that what Christ did He did for Ian. Happy Easter, Ian!

Pray for Ian. Pray that he would come out of this coma.

Steve

(The cards on Ian’s wall are thanks to the students at Jubilee Christian School. They mean a lot to us. We’re going to save them for Ian, so he can see them when he wakes up. Thank you!)

I wondered that yesterday when I saw Ian. His eyes were open, and he was looking at me (that’s a change from the last few days when he would only keep his eyes closed, and we weren’t sure if he was asleep). Is everthing he sees just a confusing mess? Where is he? Does he hear me? Wherever he is, it’s a comfort knowing that even there the Lord is with Ian.
“Where shall I go from your Spirit? Or where shall I flee from your presence? If I ascend into heaven, you are there! If I make my bed in Sheol, you are there! If I take the wings of the morning and dwell in the uttermost parts of the sea, even there your hand shall lead me, and your right hand shall hold me. If I say, ‘Surely the darkness shall cover me, and the light about me be night,’ even the darkeness is not dark to you; the night is bright as the day, for darkness is as light with you” (Psalm 139:7-12).
Ian has been keeping his eyes open more than he had been, but at times he still seems to be in pain from them.
Thank you for praying.
Steve