The progress on the addition to our house is stalled, because the inspector, who was supposed to inspect this part of the building project, lost his mother on Thursday. We can’t proceed without his approval, so the work that was supposed to happen today and tomorrow was cancelled.
His loss stings me a bit. I don’t know him. I didn’t know his mother. It still stings, though.
I found myself complaining today about having to pursue guardianship for Ian’s affairs. I never wanted to be Ian’s legal guardian. I wanted him to be on his own now serving God, to be pursuing a career, to be married, and to be looking toward children of his own some day. I didn’t recognize my complaint at first. Who could blame me for complaining, right?
I had to remind myself, though, of how merciful God has been to me and to my family. We’ve been shown so much mercy. Instead of a certain future in hell, he gave me a sweet anticipation of heaven. On top of that, he provides me earthly blessings as companions for the journey reminding me regularly of what’s to come and increasing my anticipation. In view of all that, how can I complain about any difficulty?
That inspector’s loss stings, because it highlights the fact that I’d lost sight of mercy. And, as Larissa reminded me, we could have lost Ian as that man lost his mother. I can’t imagine what he’s going through, but I have a glimpse. Sir, I prayed for you tonight.
Ian’s speech therapist said she was floored by his response to her this morning. She has been working on getting him to blink once, twice, and close his eyes on command. Usually, he may do it once or twice and there is quite a delay. But she said this morning that he was doing it consistently for about 10 minutes straight. He is also swallowing more than before and doing it in a much more “functional way,” meaning he is more often closing his mouth and touching his tongue to the roof of his mouth, like the rest of us swallow.
His right eye still looks really good and he’s using it a lot more than before. His mouth looks like it’s starting that vicious cycle again of becoming sore. Please pray that his mouth would heal and he would have total comfort.
Ian has looked really great the past two days that I’ve been with him. It’s been really encouraging to see new movements, even if they’re small. But, I’m still ready for this affliction to be over. I’m ready for Ian to talk to me again. It’s a constant battle with my thoughts to trust that God’s timing is perfect. I feel like Ian is missing so much in everyone’s lives and I’m not sure if any of us remember what normal life feels like anymore. But today I was thinking of all the times in my life that I’ve been wrong and all the times that what I thought was right was completely backwards compared to what God had planned for me. I’m so grateful that I serve a God who is never wrong! I can picture what I wish my life were like right now, but obviously that’s not what is best for me or for Ian. This is normal life now, and this new normal that God has given us is completely perfect.
“..when you are dry, go to God, ask him to shed abroad His joy in your heart, and then your joy shall be full.” -Spurgeon
Ian was in his standing board for an hour today. Praise God! It’s such a great thing for him to be able to stand for a long time.
He was awake for all but half an hour when I was with him today. He had a great session of speech therapy- his therapist said it’s the best he’s looked in awhile. Ian was following her with his eyes and reacting to the stimuli that she was using. He also swallowed with his mouth closed a few times, which is a good habit for him to start.
A lot of people have commented on how good his color looks and just how filled out his face is now. His eye looked fantastic again today and both of his eyes are regularly “in sync” now.
Every time I see him, he just looks more and more like himself. I’m so glad that he’s still with us. Sometimes when I talk to him, I know he’s kind-of in la la land and isn’t really hearing me. But then other times it is so obvious that he is listening. I can tell when I look in his eyes whether he’s with me or not. Today he was with me for a long time. We talked about some things that I know he definitely responded to by blinking. And they were things that I was really glad he was in agreement with, like memories from our past and talking about our future. We talked a lot about being on the beach in warm weather and how great that will be:) I can’t wait for the both of us to be tan again….
Two things that I read this morning talked about persistence in prayer. This is another great insight from Charles Spurgeon:
“Prayer is thus connected with the blessing to show us the value of it. If we had the blessings without asking for them, we should think them common things; but prayer makes our mercies more precious than diamonds. The things we ask for are precious, but we do not realize their preciousness until we have sought for them earnestly.”
Every time I visit Ian, now, I tell him about the addition we’re planning and building onto our house that will be big enough to accomodate him. Each time, trusting that he can hear me, I want him to be reminded of our love for him and of our desire to have him home. Each time I tell him we want him back. Thank you to all who are helping us with it. Thank you to all of you who pray. Jesus, please bring him back to us.
It was no warmer than 15 degrees this morning and snow was covering the ground. But still more than ten men from our church showed up at 9:00 to take our first steps toward bringing Ian home. Within two hours, all of the patio slabs in the back of the house were dug up from the frozen ground, patio furniture was moved, one tree was completely cut down and two were trimmed to allow room for the addition.
This morning was such an example to us of the God’s amazing design of the church. Only God could move so many people’s hearts to become eager to help us, doing manual labor, in the middle of the winter. The church gives a glimpse of the beauty of the Lord- what a blessing to experience this within our own local church. It was so neat to watch because God’s presence was so obvious- no one was complaining- these servants’ hearts were evident.
This trial is not about us. It’s not about Ian. It’s not about what we post, who I am or who the Murphys are. While God is using this to grow our own faith and is using this blog to encourage so many people, this is about God’s glory alone. His name alone is worthy to be praised.
I had to go away on business for two days; I just returned today. I didn’t get to read the blog during that time, and I’m amazed to discover the things Ian is doing now to show us he’s in there. Two days. But, then, our God could heal Ian in a heartbeat. He could wake him up. He could heal his sore and his thrush. He could even heal his knee so that it would bend again, though medically that’s impossible. God is powerful.
But, God is wise, too, and mysterious.
I don’t say that with a cynical, fatalistic perspective but with worship and genuine affection in my heart. I know that woven through every thread of God’s mysterious, infinite power and wisdom are kindness and love that I don’t understand. I know my God feels deeply for us and for Ian. I don’t understand why God doesn’t heal Ian in a heartbeat, but I’m not angry. How could I be when both Ian and I deserve so much worse because of our sin in the face of his kindness?
I don’t highlight the wisdom and mystery as a way to excuse a lack of faith for Ian’s healing, either. I believe God could heal Ian and will in his time, if that’s his good purpose. But, I trust him to do good no matter what the outcome looks like to me. I’m going to let my “requests be made known to God,” and I want the peace of God, “which surpasses understanding,” to guard my heart and mind in Christ Jesus (Phil 4:6-7).
It was really nice to see a day of therapy with Ian after having missed it for a few days. The roof of his mouth looks great- almost free of sores. His tongue is improving also but there are still patches of thrush. His eye looked great again today, and they have reduced the amounts of eye drops he gets down to just one!
Today they put Ian onto another standing board. This is different from the one they used before though because Ian starts out on his belly and then he is moved vertically from there. They tried it one time before but he didn’t tolerate it very well. Today he did great though. His physical therapist had been practicing by putting him on his belly in bed so that he would get used to it. His blood pressure stayed at a really good level and he didn’t seem to be annoyed by it at all. If Ian is able to tolerate standing like this, it’s a huge step. Being vertical will help his lungs, his digestive system, and everything else in his body. We weren’t made to be laying in bed all of the time so it’s exciting that he handled it so well.
I noticed that for the majority of the time that I was with Ian today, he had his mouth almost completely closed. This is also good, because the speech therapist and doctor have been perplexed as to why Ian wasn’t closing his mouth more often. Him breathing through his mouth so much could have been a role in causing the infections in his mouth, so the more often he closes it, the better.
During occupational therapy yesterday, Ian’s right arm was being stretched. He reached over with his left arm (which is really heavy because it’s in a cast used to stretch his muscles), grabbed the therapists sleeve, and pulled her arm to get her to stop. She said that’s a huge movement because he not only grabbed something, but he knew enough to pull also. He did it again today while I was with him. He’s in there.
Please continue to pray for Ian’s mouth, that it would completely heal and that he would continue to close it more fully. Also pray that he would tolerate the standing board and become more familiar with standing.
This blog has a tool that shows you where people are geographically that are reading Ian’s blog. I’ve looked at this map several times, but tonight when I looked at it, I was overwhelmed with the fact that there really are people all over the world reading about Ian. Just the last 20 visits had people from California, Canada, Texas, Louisiana and even Sydney, Australia. Why would people care so much about someone they most likely have never met? Only God could move our hearts in this way.
We haven’t been able to be with Ian any days this week because of the weather. But I was able to make it down tonight and it’s especially good to see him after being snowed in for awhile.
Everything seems to be about the same. His mouth looks a tiny bit better. His right eye looks fantastic- it’s not red at all and when he was awake he was using it a lot. His nurse tonight said that he was moving in the shower in ways that he hand’t seen him move before. Monday night I noticed that he was moving his torso more also, so hopefully his brain is healing in a way that will start to give him more movement. I’m looking forward to seeing him in therapy tomorrow to see how he’s doing with all of that.
“Beloved Christian reader, in matters of grace you need a daily supply. You have no store of strength. Day by day must you seek help from above. It is a very sweet assurance that a daily portion is provided for you. In the word, through the ministry, by meditation, in prayer, and waiting upon God you shall receive renewed strength. In Jesus all needful things are laid up for you. Then enjoy your continual allowance. Never go hungry while the daily bread of grace is on the table of mercy.”
Thank you for praying. I’m still believing in great miracles.
This year more than any other, I am reminded that my comfort and satisfaction comes from God alone. And I am reminded that the greatest love was shown to me at the cross. For God so loved me that He sent His son to earth, to die, to bear the wrath for every single one of my sins-even sins that I haven’t committed yet. There is no greater love than this. And only because of His love for us, are we able to love others.
“We love because He first loved us.” 1 John 4:19
It is a wonderful thing to celebrate the people in our lives on Valentine’s Day. We are called to love one another. But we must not lose sight of the love that we are mercifully allowed to celebrate every single day- the love that replaces weariness with strength, affliction with joy, and sin with forgiveness.
Whether you are single or married, be encouraged and reminded today of God’s love for you. You are never alone. You won’t ever spend one second being unloved.
“I have loved you with an everlasting love.” Jeremiah 31:3
We spent a few hours with Ian last night and eventually he woke up for us. I hadn’t seen him for two days and noticed that his mouth is looking a little bit better- but it is far from being completely healed. He is still moving his left leg and left arm a lot and last night it looked for the first time like he was moving his torso a little bit.
The nurse last night reported this to me: Yesterday morning, Ian’s doctor asked him to scratch his chin and he did. Then she asked him to touch his belly and he said “uh uh,” (meaning “no”- i’m not actually sure how to spell that sound:)
Ian also squeezes his eyes shut when they come toward him with the eye drops and another nurse told me that when he was getting a shower they asked him to raise his arms but he blatantly held them tight next to his body. We’ll take stubornness if that means he is hearing us.
“Are you in the lowest depths of sorrow? Does corruption rise within your spirit, and grace seem like a poor spark trampled underfoot? Does your faith almost fail you? Fear not, for it is neither your graces nor feelings on which you are to live: you must live simply by faith in Christ.“
-Charles Spurgeon
Still praying that God completely restores Ian’s mind and personality. We’d like him back soon.
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