Blog Category: “a disabled life”

when we cause other people to be grateful

By admin,

“i start to get upset about the small things in life and then i think of you guys and i’m filled with gratefulness for all that i have.”

i know what they’re trying to say. but what they’re trying to say is not what i hear.

“sometimes i think my life is hard but then i think about you and realize that you have it much worse than me. then that makes me grateful for all of the prosperity i have in my own life because at least my life isn’t as bad as yours.”

that’s what i hear.

i try not to hear that, try not to have thoughts that twist someone’s intended encouragement.

but it’s hard to respond to my husband’s suffering when we’re told we’re a source of someone’s gratefulness. because then I walk around thinking that people are looking at us and thanking God, or their version of a god, that they’re not as messed up as we are. that inherently makes us a victim.

we want to be driven to thankfulness. but we don’t want people to be thankful because they don’t have trials “as bad as ours,” because some day they might and then that crutch that was built will be gone. that comparison, that “at least its not this,” sets our heart on a best case scenario instead of on God, with whom there are no best case scenarios – only sovereignty.

i want to be thankful that we have a god so big even the winds and the waves obey Him. when people see us, i want them to be thankful because they see a god that redeems and upholds and a god that sits on His throne. to derive gratefulness from comparison, to maintain the “there are starving kids in Africa” mentality makes the children a victim or object of pity and sets us up for failure when the starvation comes to our families because of adultery, or car accidents, or heartbreak.

to build our thankfulness on comparison and anything other than God himself will only deprive us of the joy that is to be found in deeply-rooted thanksgiving.

i’m praying that i get to that root myself, because the comparisons i make are a costly habit.

thank you, always
L

  Filed under: "a disabled life", "God Himself", gratefulness
  Comments: 51

motivation

By admin,

ian was back on a four-wheeler for the first time today – which means our trips to the country just got a lot more exciting. he’s either getting a lot stronger or we’re getting more daring with driving a golf cart and riding a four wheeler becoming newfound activities.

the pool opened this weekend, which means upcoming date nights with chlorine and pizza. i’m praying that ian can walk into the pool this year instead of riding in on a wheelchair.

i asked ian if we could request prayer for his motivation. he’s working hard – but only when he wants to. i know that only God can keep him motivated and engaged and aware of a greater purpose. we would love any prayers for that specifically.

“my forgetfulness is the problem. it’s running rampant. i have trouble remembering the goal. I need God’s power in my life.” – Ian

thank you,
i&l

  Filed under: "a disabled life"
  Comments: 13

his own two legs

By admin,

for the first time in seven years, ian left the house without a wheelchair. tonight he left with just the strength in his legs and his walker.

i asked him how it felt and he said he feels the independence.

so grateful that after seven years, he still moves on. so grateful that Ian and God continue to surprise me.

i love you, ian.

  Filed under: "a disabled life", gratefulness
  Comments: 29

it’s not pity

By admin,

i struggle sometimes with the focus of our blog, our book, our encouragement from others. sometimes the encouragement, unintentionally, makes ian into an object of pity. 
sometimes ian’s value is sacrificed with a well-intended encouragement to me.
sometimes all i hear is that i’ve made a sacrifice. that i’ve made a hard choice. that i’m the focus.
sometimes we forget that the one who is disabled has made a sacrifice.
as we sat this weekend at a film festival, i looked at ian sitting next to me. i listened to the screen, to the documentary voices telling me about the gift of stepping into the darkness of loss and disability and grief.
i looked at ian who i came into this darkness with and who is a pure gift to me.
i didn’t know how to love until ian. i didn’t know how to love until God led us into darkness, together. 
ian has fought for seven years. ian has entered into marriage knowing that he would have infinite losses. he knew that he would be marrying someone who wouldn’t always feel in love with him and who wouldn’t always be kind. he knew that he would live an entire life of giving up his preferences and thinking of someone else first and making hard decisions for the sake of Christ, all with a disability. he could have given up or chosen despair or been afraid that God couldn’t keep our love.
i asked ian last night why he married me.
laughing, “because I love you.”
ian is not to be pitied. i am not to be pitied. God is to be rejoiced. 
the foundation of all that we are is love. love saved us. love moves us. love molds us. 
this, for us, was not learned in health.

  Filed under: "a disabled life", "God Himself", "marriage"
  Comments: None

hope of heaven

By admin,





“But our citizenship is in heaven, and from it we await a Savior, the Lord Jesus Christ,  who will transform our lowly body to be like his glorious body, by the power that enables him even to subject all things to himself.” – Philippians 3:20-21


We’re gonna fit in in heaven. We don’t fit in here because our citizenship is in heaven. (…will transform our lowly body) means everything. He can take our bodies and make them glorious like His. It’s wonderful because he owns us and will make us perfect.


This makes me realize that nothing here (like my disability) truly matters. What matters is heaven.


You’re only gonna have this body for a short time.


-Ian

  Filed under: "a disabled life", "God Himself"
  Comments: None

on ian

By admin,

it’s been awhile since we’ve done an update on ian’s health. slow and steady continues to be the way of life. ian attends physical therapy twice a week and speech twice as well. he’s gaining strength from physical therapy – walking with assistance has been the main focus.

other than strength in walking, we don’t have any tremendous goals that we’ve set forth. we continue to work with him at home on annunciation and short term memory – all things that when gaining in those areas, affects so much of our lives.

please continue to pray that ian’s memory would improve and that his legs would become more and more ready for walking.

this appears to be what the rest of our lives may look like, but we want to keep hopeful that more progress could be made, even so far after his injury.

thank you, always

i&l

  Filed under: "a disabled life"
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his heart

By admin,

i was facing the screen, my gaze perpendicular to his. i looked over to see him looking at me, his left eye scrunched.
laughing, “why do you look so angry?”, i asked.
“i’m not angry at all.”
“what are you thinking about?”
“you. and how much i love you.”
“what specifically?”
“how your smile works wonders for me.”
deep inside his heart is a spring overflowing with the love that the Holy Spirit has placed inside of him. through loss and a thought process that can be compared to wading through thick, dense, jelly, he gives love and he gives me life. this man that i fall asleep next to every night has done more for my soul than i could have ever done on my own.
please continue to pray for ian.

  Filed under: "a disabled life", "marriage"
  Comments: None

i finally got guts

By admin,

i avoided it for seven months, but today i had the guts to weakly type our names into Google. then i had the guts to read comments on people’s blogs, primarily made after the release of our video on Desiring God.

not really so fun.

“ian, people are saying uncomfortable things about us on the internet.”

“who?”

“people who have seen our video.”

“what are they saying?”

“some that our marriage isn’t legal and that you have the mentality of an eight-year-old.”

“you don’t believe them, right?”

“trying not to.”

“they don’t know us.”

that’s where it begins and ends. we’ve entered into a very public life, willingly, and we enter that with fear and trembling. we know and respect that we can have differing views. and we know that we are nothing extraordinary. we live in the midst of sin and fears and temptations. maybe we could have made the video differently. maybe i could have worded things differently. but eight minutes never sums up a life.

along with a public life comes scrutiny, and disagreement and other things that can feel really uncomfortable.

but, i can’t help but feel the need to clear up two things, as maybe my lack of clearing them up has confused some people. ian does not have the mentality of an eight year old (an eight year old could not have given the answer of “stool pigeon” during a round of taboo last night) and yes, we do have sex.

we also love God and are in love with each other. we continue to pray for wisdom and discretion in this  public role, as we embark on speaking engagements and writing a book. but we mostly pray that heaven would  be oh so near.

thank you, for praying for ian.

love
i&l

  Filed under: "a disabled life", "marriage"
  Comments: None