Blog Category: “God Himself”

it’s not pity

By admin,

i struggle sometimes with the focus of our blog, our book, our encouragement from others. sometimes the encouragement, unintentionally, makes ian into an object of pity. 
sometimes ian’s value is sacrificed with a well-intended encouragement to me.
sometimes all i hear is that i’ve made a sacrifice. that i’ve made a hard choice. that i’m the focus.
sometimes we forget that the one who is disabled has made a sacrifice.
as we sat this weekend at a film festival, i looked at ian sitting next to me. i listened to the screen, to the documentary voices telling me about the gift of stepping into the darkness of loss and disability and grief.
i looked at ian who i came into this darkness with and who is a pure gift to me.
i didn’t know how to love until ian. i didn’t know how to love until God led us into darkness, together. 
ian has fought for seven years. ian has entered into marriage knowing that he would have infinite losses. he knew that he would be marrying someone who wouldn’t always feel in love with him and who wouldn’t always be kind. he knew that he would live an entire life of giving up his preferences and thinking of someone else first and making hard decisions for the sake of Christ, all with a disability. he could have given up or chosen despair or been afraid that God couldn’t keep our love.
i asked ian last night why he married me.
laughing, “because I love you.”
ian is not to be pitied. i am not to be pitied. God is to be rejoiced. 
the foundation of all that we are is love. love saved us. love moves us. love molds us. 
this, for us, was not learned in health.

  Filed under: "a disabled life", "God Himself", "marriage"
  Comments: None

he knew

By admin,

Steve wrote this on our blog in 2007, just two years before he passed away. i’m glad he knew where he was headed.


“I long for heaven. There the good that I’ll experience is not temporary or fleeting or fading or tainted by trials. Here on earth, any good is temporary. Car wrecks taint life. Things are taken away from us. We don’t always experience things we would prefer. My emotional investment and the focus of my faith can’t be the things of this life, but my hope has to be in that imperishable inheritance that’s kept in heaven for me. So many dreams and things and relationships throw me off and distract my longing for heaven. I need to hold out for what’s best; I need to hold out for heaven.”

  Filed under: "God Himself"
  Comments: None

he perseveres

By admin,

Studying Philippians 4:1.

I asked my husband why we need perseverance:

“Cause we need to make it to heaven. It’s a fight to stand firm in the gospel. In suffering (like mine) it means fighting against self pity and the temptation that He doesn’t care. But He is loving to me because He gave up his own life. I can persevere – giving up my life should be easy then.”

  Filed under: "God Himself"
  Comments: None

hope of heaven

By admin,





“But our citizenship is in heaven, and from it we await a Savior, the Lord Jesus Christ,  who will transform our lowly body to be like his glorious body, by the power that enables him even to subject all things to himself.” – Philippians 3:20-21


We’re gonna fit in in heaven. We don’t fit in here because our citizenship is in heaven. (…will transform our lowly body) means everything. He can take our bodies and make them glorious like His. It’s wonderful because he owns us and will make us perfect.


This makes me realize that nothing here (like my disability) truly matters. What matters is heaven.


You’re only gonna have this body for a short time.


-Ian

  Filed under: "a disabled life", "God Himself"
  Comments: None

love gives life

By admin,

our cousin, evan may, recently self-published an e-book that studies 1 corinthians. evan is married to rebekah and they are expecting their first little one this year. if you read this good little book, you may find two familiar names in chapter 4. enjoy!
click to find on Amazon.

  Filed under: "God Himself"
  Comments: None

here it is, again

By admin,

“craniotomy. he had part of his brain removed.”

she was on the other end of the phone, asking pre-op questions for something so minor compared to where he’s been. she didn’t know the memories that one word was stirring.
i hate talking about medical stuff. especially when it’s ian’s brain. 
tomorrow, a day that celebrates two years of being wed, we head to pittsburgh until wednesday – first an injection and then surgery on wednesday. lots of time in the waiting room. hopefully not too much time to think. hopefully praying.
please pray that this would be a simple surgery for ian and that there would be no cancer. and that he would heal quickly – vacation is just a few days awayl. most of all, please pray for peace. hospitals bring so many things to mind.
thank you
i&l

  Filed under: "God Himself"
  Comments: None

By admin,

“And He is full of grace. Ah! had He not been, I should never have been saved. He drew me when I struggled to escape from His grace; and when at last I came all trembling like a condemned culprit to His mercy-seat, He said, Thy sins, which are many, are all forgiven thee: be of good cheer.’

And He is full of truth. True have His promises been; not one has failed. I bear witness that never servant had such a master as I have; never brother such a kinsman as He has been to me; never spouse such a husband as Christ has been to my soul; never sinner a better Saviour; never mourner a better comforter than Christ hath been to my spirit. I want none beside Him. In life He is my life, and in death He shall be the death of death; in poverty Christ is my riches; in sickness He makes my bed; in darkness He is my star, and in brightness He is my sun; He is the manna of the camp in the wilderness, and He shall be the new corn of the host when they come to Canaan.

Jesus is to me all grace and no wrath, all truth and no falsehood: and of truth and grace He is full, infinitely full. My soul, this night, bless with all thy might the only Begotten.'”

-charles spurgeon

  Filed under: "God Himself"
  Comments: None

an ordinary day. An extraordinary god.

By admin,

over the past 12 hours, our story has been watched more than 86,000 times. this is astounding. and to ian in particular, it is worth it: “i would do this (disability) all over again if i knew it would affect this many people. god is glorious.”

and so here we are, knowing that literally thousands of people just today have hopefully somehow seen god through our marriage. that in itself is mind-blowing. because it is so not of us. we are so very ordinary. tonight is so very ordinary. ian is napping. the rain is pouring outside and the washer downstairs is spinning. the poor clothes in the washer probably won’t get switched until I get home from work tomorrow. and by that time, they’ll need to be re-washed. i can’t see the floor of our bedroom, our laundry completely taking over. i’m putting off making dinner, even though all it requires is putting leftovers on a plate and into the microwave.

and yet, in the midst of this ordinary, the weight of what has happened today through this video and what will continue to happen pummels me. it pummels me because what god is accomplishing through our afflictions is happening at the same time that we are sinning. What a great divide that crosses. What wretched sinners Ian and I are, and yet somehow, He uses us to magnify himself. Our sin does not prevent god’s glory on display.

on days like this, we get just a glimpse of this promised eternal weight of glory, as undeserved as it is, and it is enough to bring us to our knees. how great this weight will be in heaven!

one thing that we love and hold so close on days like this is that our dad, steve, now feels and knows that weight of glory. he prepared us so well and we can’t wait to see him again. one of the biggest impressions on my heart the few days after he died was that he was seeing fully. and that he would encourage us to press on, because it is beyond worth it.

thank you, all. in the words of my dear husband, god is awesome.

i&l

  Filed under: "God Himself"
  Comments: None

He followed us

By admin,

she came to visit us, our life photographer, on a warm summer day to take photos to be on the inside flap of a book that was being scripted each evening after dinner.

that day was the first time he could do this,

stand next to me, with just my hand helping him, not with my arm around him, like we needed to in all of the photos from this day

 
where my arm was hidden around his back, helping him, balancing him, and we couldn’t stand and simply hold hands.
this summer came to ian in strength, upgrading to a walker, and then a cane and committing to walking by year 30. he left the house without a wheelchair for the first time and he walked out the front doors of his mom’s house for the first time.
2013 was a big year.
yet, on a day that becomes reflective for so many of us, that’s not what i most see.
what i most see is a hard-fought year, with fears and exposure and costs and crying and days sitting in front of a blank computer screen wondering why we signed a contract- that were all swallowed up by what was following us. by what was behind us and before us. 
it was a year swallowed up in God.
it was a year that He swallowed us up, taking our inadequacies that were asked to put our story into 75,000 words, our legs that were asked to learn to walk again, our hearts that at times wanted out.
He followed us with mercy, and made our hopeless mornings and our sweet, quiet date nights and our laughter at his inappropriate jokes into beautiful life canvases.
He followed us with His goodness, keeping us, with his white-knuckle grip.
He blessed us, with two new nieces and nephews, bring number seven and eight into our hearts that four years ago didn’t know that type of love.
He kept us, in each other, faithful and honorable to our covenant.
And all that we were given in Him will continue to be, so that this coming year that looms with exposure as our feebly written pages will be carried home in shopping bags and delivered with the mailman won’t be faced apart from mercy. Or Himself. Or joy, in the most unexpected places.
He will follow us, and someday, someday hopefully soon, we will dwell in His house, forever.
With love,
I&L

  Filed under: "God Himself", "marriage", gratefulness
  Comments: None

He followed us

By admin,

she came to visit us, our life photographer, on a warm summer day to take photos to be on the inside flap of a book that was being scripted each evening after dinner.

that day was the first time he could do this,

stand next to me, with just my hand helping him, not with my arm around him, like we needed to in all of the photos from this day

 
where my arm was hidden around his back, helping him, balancing him, and we couldn’t stand and simply hold hands.
this summer came to ian in strength, upgrading to a walker, and then a cane and committing to walking by year 30. he left the house without a wheelchair for the first time and he walked out the front doors of his mom’s house for the first time.
2013 was a big year.
yet, on a day that becomes reflective for so many of us, that’s not what i most see.
what i most see is a hard-fought year, with fears and exposure and costs and crying and days sitting in front of a blank computer screen wondering why we signed a contract- that were all swallowed up by what was following us. by what was behind us and before us. 
it was a year swallowed up in God.
it was a year that He swallowed us up, taking our inadequacies that were asked to put our story into 75,000 words, our legs that were asked to learn to walk again, our hearts that at times wanted out.
He followed us with mercy, and made our hopeless mornings and our sweet, quiet date nights and our laughter at his inappropriate jokes into beautiful life canvases.
He followed us with His goodness, keeping us, with his white-knuckle grip.
He blessed us, with two new nieces and nephews, bring number seven and eight into our hearts that four years ago didn’t know that type of love.
He kept us, in each other, faithful and honorable to our covenant.
And all that we were given in Him will continue to be, so that this coming year that looms with exposure as our feebly written pages will be carried home in shopping bags and delivered with the mailman won’t be faced apart from mercy. Or Himself. Or joy, in the most unexpected places.
He will follow us, and someday, someday hopefully soon, we will dwell in His house, forever.
With love,
I&L

  Filed under: "God Himself", "marriage", gratefulness
  Comments: None