Blog Category: gratefulness

all

By admin,

this weekend we head to the mountains, to where this marriage began. as we prepare to reunite with those that sat beside us under the chandelier, i think about all of the details that made that day magical.

and all of the people that made it perfect.
 
and the husband who has made three years worth every cost.
we’ll all be there together, again. and the babies that were in the bellies of the flowered dresses will be scampering through the grass. and all will feel well, for now.

  Filed under: "family", "marriage", gratefulness
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eight twenty eight

By admin,

today is eight twenty eight.

today is our dad’s birthday. and today is our anniversary. and today means His promise to work all things together for good because He loves us. today is for reflecting on three years with a God who has held our marriage, has kept us when we would have left on our own and has sprinkled joy in the most unexpected places. 



today is for remembering that when God gave life to Steve on this day 53 years ago, 
He knew exactly what He was doing.



we are now one because of life.

and above all these put on love, which binds everything together in perfect harmony. and let the peace of Christ rule in your hearts, to which indeed you were called in one body. and be thankful. 
Col 3:14-15


in love

i&l

  Filed under: "family", "the dross", gratefulness
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Walking

By admin,

Now he’s walking, without a walker. Just a cane and one of us helping balance with a gait belt.

Thank you for praying. And for buying his art so he can keep going to therapy.
It’s working.

  Filed under: "a disabled life", gratefulness
  Comments: 30

when we cause other people to be grateful

By admin,

“i start to get upset about the small things in life and then i think of you guys and i’m filled with gratefulness for all that i have.”

i know what they’re trying to say. but what they’re trying to say is not what i hear.

“sometimes i think my life is hard but then i think about you and realize that you have it much worse than me. then that makes me grateful for all of the prosperity i have in my own life because at least my life isn’t as bad as yours.”

that’s what i hear.

i try not to hear that, try not to have thoughts that twist someone’s intended encouragement.

but it’s hard to respond to my husband’s suffering when we’re told we’re a source of someone’s gratefulness. because then I walk around thinking that people are looking at us and thanking God, or their version of a god, that they’re not as messed up as we are. that inherently makes us a victim.

we want to be driven to thankfulness. but we don’t want people to be thankful because they don’t have trials “as bad as ours,” because some day they might and then that crutch that was built will be gone. that comparison, that “at least its not this,” sets our heart on a best case scenario instead of on God, with whom there are no best case scenarios – only sovereignty.

i want to be thankful that we have a god so big even the winds and the waves obey Him. when people see us, i want them to be thankful because they see a god that redeems and upholds and a god that sits on His throne. to derive gratefulness from comparison, to maintain the “there are starving kids in Africa” mentality makes the children a victim or object of pity and sets us up for failure when the starvation comes to our families because of adultery, or car accidents, or heartbreak.

to build our thankfulness on comparison and anything other than God himself will only deprive us of the joy that is to be found in deeply-rooted thanksgiving.

i’m praying that i get to that root myself, because the comparisons i make are a costly habit.

thank you, always
L

  Filed under: "a disabled life", "God Himself", gratefulness
  Comments: 51

to myself, a reminder

By admin,

this is for myself, a reminder for when the next day comes that was like the last. a reminder on the next day that i don’t know how to enjoy with a brain injury and the day that the things he used to do are all that i see. this is a reminder for the next time my mind has my bags packed and i wonder how i will keep loving.

there is someone who has already swallowed up my marriage and someone who has already swallowed up my loss. it has been finished and so i can wait with my husband, tearfully, and know that my way has already been made for me. i can wake in the morning with mercies that don’t seem new and know that this has already been done for me.

it was done before i was born. done before i knew him. before mrs. murphy.

i can keep making my way in hope because He has made me His own.

i can know that this has nothing to do with me. but instead, Him.

  Filed under: "God Himself", gratefulness
  Comments: 26

his own two legs

By admin,

for the first time in seven years, ian left the house without a wheelchair. tonight he left with just the strength in his legs and his walker.

i asked him how it felt and he said he feels the independence.

so grateful that after seven years, he still moves on. so grateful that Ian and God continue to surprise me.

i love you, ian.

  Filed under: "a disabled life", gratefulness
  Comments: 29

new

By admin,


my new friends, who helped me to stumble through my first time speaking at a weekend retreat. 
coming home to a new season of patio life and sleeping with windows open.
god brings new life with spring and sun. resting in thankfulness tonight for that newness and for God always winning.
thank you, for praying. ian continues to have fatigue and we continue to pray for God to show us why.

  Filed under: gratefulness
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three little babies

By admin,

three little babies that we’ve watched grow and have loved. three little babies that love their uncle ian without expectation. three little babies that ask why uncle ian isn’t with aunt rara when she stops by after work. three little babies that don’t see a tbi but see an uncle who tells them stories about a boy named paladin who drives a green chevy on route 66.

three little babies that teach me how to love.

  Filed under: "family", gratefulness
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how i’m fighting for joy

By admin,


particularly in this season, our daily battle to believe and know that truth always conquers is a deeper and longer battle than usual. and so i’m trying to teach myself and pray for ways to fight for joy and mental clarity and hope. below is my list so far – of which all are underlined and supported by and kept in by grace.
marriage gratitude journal – a little journal, sent to me by a sweet blog reader, devoted solely to capturing the gratefulnesses i have in ian and him as my husband
exercise – to clear and empty my brain and keep me healthy to serve ian
date nights – wednesdays are reserved. and in a few weeks, after our first deadline, we’re taking a week to devote solely to dates. no writing.
prayer – growing in my commitment. fasting on wednesdays. spending time thinking about and praying for something/someone other than myself
sleep – a time to escape
thank you for praying for our writing and our marriage.

  Filed under: "marriage", "our writing", gratefulness
  Comments: None

it’s official

By admin,

as of today, we are officially signed authors.
and so, in typical Murphy fashion, this called for a celebration.

we received toasts

and i signed

and these dolls just made sense on the cake

and this niece didn’t have any fun.
we’re so blessed to be in such a generous relationship with our publisher. we’re very grateful to the Lord for providing this avenue for us.
steve and i talked many, many times about writing a book but never felt like the timing was right.
thinking of steve as we write, we’re hopeful to honor his memory.
love
i&l

  Filed under: "our writing", gratefulness
  Comments: None