Blog Category: “marriage”

a daily influence

By admin,

Ian is my best friend. The majority of my thoughts throughout the day somehow involve Ian, especially when it comes to planning or scheduling or who I want to see at 4:30 when I get home.

But I’m not sure how many of those thoughts adequately answer this question by Paul Tripp:

“how do I daily influence the way my spouse thinks about himself, God and life?”

What a beautiful calling and responsibility we both have to each other. When I get up in the morning, I could whine to Ian about not wanting to have a job anymore, or I could read him a verse. When I’m tired at night I could be selfish and just turn over to fall asleep or I could ask him to pray for our marriage. Instead of wasting time
online we could go on a walk and see God in his creation.

We are to each other the most important relationship for cultivating a tender heart and disposition for the Lord.

Praying for just the strength to do that.


Larissa

  Filed under: "marriage"
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Power of the Home – Part 2

By admin,

Below is our second guest post on Power of the Home.

Kathie handed us the pre-marital counseling manual on our way out of the church building. This was big – I had seen other couples with this manual and wondered what that stage of life must have felt like. Scared? Excited? Anxious? It felt weird to be holding the white, three ring binder with the yellow card stock inserted into the clear plastic cover sleeve. “From the Ground Up,” the black, swirly ink looked me in the eye. I didnʼt know if we would ever get here, because Ian was sick, and because holding this binder meant being courageous.

But five minutes into the first message on the CD at Ianʼs momʼs house just about did me in. I sent our pastor a quick email and said that we just couldnʼt do it. His response, more than gracious, as expected, was that we could skip the binder and find another plan that would be more helpful for us.

I couldnʼt do it because the message and the chapter topics of that binder felt so, meaningless. At least to us. In that stage. It simply wasnʼt helpful for me to hear examples of the practical ways our lives would change or the specific examples of leadership and submission that we should be preparing to exhibit. We just needed our souls to be cared for. And we needed to have such a big view of God that would allow our marriage to feel possible. We knew that Ianʼs leadership would look different than the examples in that binder. We knew that my submission would be manifested differently too. The content in that binder has and will continue to help so many marriages, and is so important. But it wasnʼt for us.

But God still met us. Clinging to His word, particularly the illustration of Christʼs covenant keeping love to the church (Ephesians 5:22-33), we sought to understand what this would look like in our lives. We had regular counsel with our pastor and talked about what our lives specifically would look like, as much as we could anticipate. We prayed a lot. We teeter-tottered between fear and peace. We wondered if we would someday grow old and watch our grandkids play. We wondered if our marriage would be brief, being ended in youth by death. And we wondered how in the world we would enjoy each other every disabled day.

Now nearing our two year anniversary, as I sit and write this, Ian is holding my right foot on his lap. Heʼs watching me type as the fan hums, desperately trying to pull the cool air out of the vents on a humid night. I look up and heʼs looking right at me, “Are you uncomfortable, Larissa?” “No, Iʼm ok. Thank you for asking.” “You looked uncomfortable.”My smile sneaks up, because this is enjoyment, a husband that watches me, and sits with me, and loves. And because we have a God that is bigger than our marriage, we can rest.

  Filed under: "marriage", "our writing"
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Time Warp Wife

By admin,

i love the emails that i read in the middle of the night. recently not sleeping full through, it’s fun to check my email since i’m awake anyway and see what God is doing while i sleep.

one of those emails was a request from Darlene who from Time Warp Wife, asking to re-post our video and a recent post. the content from us isn’t new, but it’s a super fun blog to check out.

Time Warp Wife

  Filed under: "marriage", "our writing"
  Comments: None

a mini ian, someday?

By admin,

throughout our engagement and into our marriage, many inquiring minds, who are strangers and not dear friends, have asked about our ability to have children. surprisingly, because of our  disability, there has seemed to exist an assumption that those questions are appropriate, when none of them were asked to our friends who are in full health. not that these questions are wrong, but they’re not helpful either. here’s why.
in any marriage, how does anyone know if they can conceive until God reveals a yes or no? 
with or without disability, no one can answer that question except for God. 
and so that’s where we leave it. we would both love to be parents. i would love to have a mini ian running around, filling our lives. maybe not yet. maybe not for a long time. maybe next year. maybe we’ll have biological children, or maybe we’ll adopt. 
just like we don’t want people to assume things about our own life and future, we don’t want to assume on God. He may call us to raise 10 children who look and sound just like us or he may just keep providing nieces and nephews for us to spoil. either way, “before me, as behind, God is and all is well.”
i&l

  Filed under: "a disabled life", "family", "marriage"
  Comments: None

what I want all my girlfriends to have

By admin,

i remember sarah telling me that she was shocked to see ian showing affection to someone – she was used to him being the sarcastic life of the party. willing to talk to anyone, but also not shy to say funny things that may or may not be taken well. but he was in love, and this friend that she had known since she was little and had been homeschooled with was actually outwardly showing his love.
that’s the ian that i fell in love with. and that’s me that he was showing affection to. he would gently hold my hand – as gently as he could considering that he has the fattest fingers in the world. to me it often felt like a vice grip. but it was still so sweet.
but then for a few years, that hand didn’t have life. it couldn’t squeeze when it wanted to or reach out to find mine.
that’s different now.
that same ian seven years ago that shocked sarah is still marked by gentle affection. and he can make that hand move again. since we’ve been married, one of my favorite parts of my day is falling asleep holding my husband’s hand. and one night as i lay there, i realized that this is what i want all of my girlfriend’s to have. a gentle husband who is so happy to fall asleep with hands bound. 
i’m thankful tonight to be married to a tender heart.
love
l

  Filed under: "a disabled life", "marriage", gratefulness
  Comments: None

He followed us

By admin,

she came to visit us, our life photographer, on a warm summer day to take photos to be on the inside flap of a book that was being scripted each evening after dinner.

that day was the first time he could do this,

stand next to me, with just my hand helping him, not with my arm around him, like we needed to in all of the photos from this day

 
where my arm was hidden around his back, helping him, balancing him, and we couldn’t stand and simply hold hands.
this summer came to ian in strength, upgrading to a walker, and then a cane and committing to walking by year 30. he left the house without a wheelchair for the first time and he walked out the front doors of his mom’s house for the first time.
2013 was a big year.
yet, on a day that becomes reflective for so many of us, that’s not what i most see.
what i most see is a hard-fought year, with fears and exposure and costs and crying and days sitting in front of a blank computer screen wondering why we signed a contract- that were all swallowed up by what was following us. by what was behind us and before us. 
it was a year swallowed up in God.
it was a year that He swallowed us up, taking our inadequacies that were asked to put our story into 75,000 words, our legs that were asked to learn to walk again, our hearts that at times wanted out.
He followed us with mercy, and made our hopeless mornings and our sweet, quiet date nights and our laughter at his inappropriate jokes into beautiful life canvases.
He followed us with His goodness, keeping us, with his white-knuckle grip.
He blessed us, with two new nieces and nephews, bring number seven and eight into our hearts that four years ago didn’t know that type of love.
He kept us, in each other, faithful and honorable to our covenant.
And all that we were given in Him will continue to be, so that this coming year that looms with exposure as our feebly written pages will be carried home in shopping bags and delivered with the mailman won’t be faced apart from mercy. Or Himself. Or joy, in the most unexpected places.
He will follow us, and someday, someday hopefully soon, we will dwell in His house, forever.
With love,
I&L

  Filed under: "God Himself", "marriage", gratefulness
  Comments: None

From Caleb

By admin,

the below post is from our brother, caleb murphy. caleb spends forty hours each week helping ian, and so he has gained a pretty up-close view of ian as a husband:

As a husband, I want to be strong
for my wife. I want her to see me as a man in the same vein as Maximus Aurelius
from Gladiator; a persistent and strong
leader with good intent. In reality, I’m more like a child in middle school
who’s trying to impress a girl but continually cracks under pressure.
But how can Ian, a crippled man
who’s been stripped of many physical and mental capabilities, be this type of
man for his wife?
Well, the most important aspect of
service to your wife is soul-protector. How did Jesus best serve the church? By
redeeming and caring for the church. He gave himself up for the church so that
“he might sanctify her” (Eph. 5:25-26). He gave himself up “so that he might
present the church to himself in splendor, without spot or wrinkle or any such
thing, that she might be holy and without blemish” (Eph. 5:27). Husbands are
supposed to love their wives “as Christ loved the church and gave himself up
for her” (Eph. 5:25).
We cannot save people from
damnation, but we can care for them. So, the best way a husband can serve his
wife is by caring for her spiritual condition and seeking her sanctification.
This is the most obvious way Ian serves Larissa, and he does it well.
Ian’s joyfulness and complete
reliance on God seem to bring encouragement to Larissa, not to mention his
quickness to bring God back to the center of things. Ian portrays faith like it
should be portrayed: as common sense. God is good and that’s the truth, even to
a man in Ian’s condition.
This should reposition my focus in
marriage. The most important aspect of protecting, caring and providing for my
wife is spiritual. Even if I were handicapped, unable to walk by myself, and
relying on her for everything, the weight of her soul on my heart should be
heavier than any other burdens I might have.
I should be more like Ian, because
Ian serves his wife like Jesus serves his church.
 

  Filed under: "marriage"
  Comments: None

He followed us

By admin,

she came to visit us, our life photographer, on a warm summer day to take photos to be on the inside flap of a book that was being scripted each evening after dinner.

that day was the first time he could do this,

stand next to me, with just my hand helping him, not with my arm around him, like we needed to in all of the photos from this day

 
where my arm was hidden around his back, helping him, balancing him, and we couldn’t stand and simply hold hands.
this summer came to ian in strength, upgrading to a walker, and then a cane and committing to walking by year 30. he left the house without a wheelchair for the first time and he walked out the front doors of his mom’s house for the first time.
2013 was a big year.
yet, on a day that becomes reflective for so many of us, that’s not what i most see.
what i most see is a hard-fought year, with fears and exposure and costs and crying and days sitting in front of a blank computer screen wondering why we signed a contract- that were all swallowed up by what was following us. by what was behind us and before us. 
it was a year swallowed up in God.
it was a year that He swallowed us up, taking our inadequacies that were asked to put our story into 75,000 words, our legs that were asked to learn to walk again, our hearts that at times wanted out.
He followed us with mercy, and made our hopeless mornings and our sweet, quiet date nights and our laughter at his inappropriate jokes into beautiful life canvases.
He followed us with His goodness, keeping us, with his white-knuckle grip.
He blessed us, with two new nieces and nephews, bring number seven and eight into our hearts that four years ago didn’t know that type of love.
He kept us, in each other, faithful and honorable to our covenant.
And all that we were given in Him will continue to be, so that this coming year that looms with exposure as our feebly written pages will be carried home in shopping bags and delivered with the mailman won’t be faced apart from mercy. Or Himself. Or joy, in the most unexpected places.
He will follow us, and someday, someday hopefully soon, we will dwell in His house, forever.
With love,
I&L

  Filed under: "God Himself", "marriage", gratefulness
  Comments: 19

fraudulent

By admin,

“you shouldn’t have said that today, maybe that sounded harsh, you’re assuming a heart motive, that’s not believing the best of that person, you’re angry again, you’re inpatient again,” the voices in my heart and in my head drone on all day.

eventually my body sits to write – to be the means of a story God has written that has nothing to do with myself.

a calendar with dates for talking to people in public, at retreats, conferences – who am i to have this place?

my sins rattle throughout my brain all day and tell me that this is fraud.

that this experience, this public story we’re telling, is not worthy of being told by me. that my sin somehow cancels out anything God would do through us.

that this husband, so sweet and foundational should have more than this sinning wife.

“the Lord your God is in your midst; a might one who will save; he will rejoice over you with gladness; he will quiet you by his love; he will exalt over you with loud singing.” – zephaniah 3:17

my God still rejoices over me. he will quiet me.

so humbly and dependently we make our way.

“Who, oh Lord, could save themselves,
Their own soul could heal?
Our shame was deeper than the sea
Your grace is deeper still”

  Filed under: "God Himself", "marriage", "the dross"
  Comments: None