Blog Category: “the dross”

sometimes, it’s embarrassing

By admin,

i dont know, maybe it’s me, but sometimes suffering is embarrassing. when it’s prolonged, and so outwardly apparent, and creates so many needs. living through brain injury and brain cancer, and losing someone to brain cancer, and now thinking about a smaller type of cancer, it’s another need. another reason for people to pray. another reason for maybe some to think that our faith is too weak. another reason for “i just feel so badly for them.” yes, here we are again, friends, needing healing, and relief, and strength. 
i don’t know what the Bible says about it. ian would say it’s just a feeling. but it’s there. and i’m sure we’re not the first ones to feel it. so that’s probably why i want to say it out loud. and i know that it is good for us to be cared for, and prayed for, and to ask for prayer. and i’m sure that somewhere Jesus can satisfy and heal it. but sometimes, it just sits there in our gut.
as for ian’s appointment, it may not be cancer, but they will treat it as if it were. we will be scheduled for two outpatient procedures in pittsburgh, so we will just say overnight at a hotel. they will remove the nearest lymph node and have it tested.
thank you, truly, for praying. even if sometimes it feels, embarrassing:)
i&l

  Filed under: "a disabled life", "the dross"
  Comments: None

By admin,

“blessed is the man who remains steadfast under trail, for when he has stood the test he will receive the crown of life, which God has promised to those who love him.” james 1:12

to ian, he said that it’s hard for him to see now that ‘blessed is the man.’ it’s hard to see that blessedness in his life. how clearly the scripture leads us to ian’s eternal reward – ‘he will receive the crown of life.’ nothing more is needed.

thank you for praying

  Filed under: "the dross"
  Comments: None

fraudulent

By admin,

“you shouldn’t have said that today, maybe that sounded harsh, you’re assuming a heart motive, that’s not believing the best of that person, you’re angry again, you’re inpatient again,” the voices in my heart and in my head drone on all day.

eventually my body sits to write – to be the means of a story God has written that has nothing to do with myself.

a calendar with dates for talking to people in public, at retreats, conferences – who am i to have this place?

my sins rattle throughout my brain all day and tell me that this is fraud.

that this experience, this public story we’re telling, is not worthy of being told by me. that my sin somehow cancels out anything God would do through us.

that this husband, so sweet and foundational should have more than this sinning wife.

“the Lord your God is in your midst; a might one who will save; he will rejoice over you with gladness; he will quiet you by his love; he will exalt over you with loud singing.” – zephaniah 3:17

my God still rejoices over me. he will quiet me.

so humbly and dependently we make our way.

“Who, oh Lord, could save themselves,
Their own soul could heal?
Our shame was deeper than the sea
Your grace is deeper still”

  Filed under: "God Himself", "marriage", "the dross"
  Comments: None

sometimes, it’s embarrassing

By admin,

i dont know, maybe it’s me, but sometimes suffering is embarrassing. when it’s prolonged, and so outwardly apparent, and creates so many needs. living through brain injury and brain cancer, and losing someone to brain cancer, and now thinking about a smaller type of cancer, it’s another need. another reason for people to pray. another reason for maybe some to think that our faith is too weak. another reason for “i just feel so badly for them.” yes, here we are again, friends, needing healing, and relief, and strength. 
i don’t know what the Bible says about it. ian would say it’s just a feeling. but it’s there. and i’m sure we’re not the first ones to feel it. so that’s probably why i want to say it out loud. and i know that it is good for us to be cared for, and prayed for, and to ask for prayer. and i’m sure that somewhere Jesus can satisfy and heal it. but sometimes, it just sits there in our gut.
as for ian’s appointment, it may not be cancer, but they will treat it as if it were. we will be scheduled for two outpatient procedures in pittsburgh, so we will just say overnight at a hotel. they will remove the nearest lymph node and have it tested.
thank you, truly, for praying. even if sometimes it feels, embarrassing:)
i&l

  Filed under: "a disabled life", "the dross"
  Comments: None

By admin,

“blessed is the man who remains steadfast under trail, for when he has stood the test he will receive the crown of life, which God has promised to those who love him.” james 1:12

to ian, he said that it’s hard for him to see now that ‘blessed is the man.’ it’s hard to see that blessedness in his life. how clearly the scripture leads us to ian’s eternal reward – ‘he will receive the crown of life.’ nothing more is needed.

thank you for praying

  Filed under: "the dross"
  Comments: None

fraudulent

By admin,

“you shouldn’t have said that today, maybe that sounded harsh, you’re assuming a heart motive, that’s not believing the best of that person, you’re angry again, you’re inpatient again,” the voices in my heart and in my head drone on all day.

eventually my body sits to write – to be the means of a story God has written that has nothing to do with myself.

a calendar with dates for talking to people in public, at retreats, conferences – who am i to have this place?

my sins rattle throughout my brain all day and tell me that this is fraud.

that this experience, this public story we’re telling, is not worthy of being told by me. that my sin somehow cancels out anything God would do through us.

that this husband, so sweet and foundational should have more than this sinning wife.

“the Lord your God is in your midst; a might one who will save; he will rejoice over you with gladness; he will quiet you by his love; he will exalt over you with loud singing.” – zephaniah 3:17

my God still rejoices over me. he will quiet me.

so humbly and dependently we make our way.

“Who, oh Lord, could save themselves,
Their own soul could heal?
Our shame was deeper than the sea
Your grace is deeper still”

  Filed under: "God Himself", "marriage", "the dross"
  Comments: None

sometimes, it’s embarrassing

By admin,

i dont know, maybe it’s me, but sometimes suffering is embarrassing. when it’s prolonged, and so outwardly apparent, and creates so many needs. living through brain injury and brain cancer, and losing someone to brain cancer, and now thinking about a smaller type of cancer, it’s another need. another reason for people to pray. another reason for maybe some to think that our faith is too weak. another reason for “i just feel so badly for them.” yes, here we are again, friends, needing healing, and relief, and strength. 
i don’t know what the Bible says about it. ian would say it’s just a feeling. but it’s there. and i’m sure we’re not the first ones to feel it. so that’s probably why i want to say it out loud. and i know that it is good for us to be cared for, and prayed for, and to ask for prayer. and i’m sure that somewhere Jesus can satisfy and heal it. but sometimes, it just sits there in our gut.
as for ian’s appointment, it may not be cancer, but they will treat it as if it were. we will be scheduled for two outpatient procedures in pittsburgh, so we will just say overnight at a hotel. they will remove the nearest lymph node and have it tested.
thank you, truly, for praying. even if sometimes it feels, embarrassing:)
i&l

  Filed under: "a disabled life", "the dross"
  Comments: None

By admin,

“blessed is the man who remains steadfast under trail, for when he has stood the test he will receive the crown of life, which God has promised to those who love him.” james 1:12

to ian, he said that it’s hard for him to see now that ‘blessed is the man.’ it’s hard to see that blessedness in his life. how clearly the scripture leads us to ian’s eternal reward – ‘he will receive the crown of life.’ nothing more is needed.

thank you for praying

  Filed under: "the dross"
  Comments: None

fraudulent

By admin,

“you shouldn’t have said that today, maybe that sounded harsh, you’re assuming a heart motive, that’s not believing the best of that person, you’re angry again, you’re inpatient again,” the voices in my heart and in my head drone on all day.

eventually my body sits to write – to be the means of a story God has written that has nothing to do with myself.

a calendar with dates for talking to people in public, at retreats, conferences – who am i to have this place?

my sins rattle throughout my brain all day and tell me that this is fraud.

that this experience, this public story we’re telling, is not worthy of being told by me. that my sin somehow cancels out anything God would do through us.

that this husband, so sweet and foundational should have more than this sinning wife.

“the Lord your God is in your midst; a might one who will save; he will rejoice over you with gladness; he will quiet you by his love; he will exalt over you with loud singing.” – zephaniah 3:17

my God still rejoices over me. he will quiet me.

so humbly and dependently we make our way.

“Who, oh Lord, could save themselves,
Their own soul could heal?
Our shame was deeper than the sea
Your grace is deeper still”

  Filed under: "God Himself", "marriage", "the dross"
  Comments: None