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one really good book

By admin,

we’re stuck on eric metaxas, now reading his bio on william wilberforce, after finishing bonhoeffer.

these biographies are perfectly timed with writing our book, because they inspire and spur on a fight through laziness or fear or doubt.

“wilberforce alone knew how constitutionally weak he was with regard to self-discipline. and he knew that his years at pocklington and cambridge had powerfully reinforced his worst tendencies, feeding them when they should have been starved. while his friend Pitt had been at the very elbow of his brilliant and accomplished father, who had taken it upon himself to train his son rigorously from earliest youth to be a great orator and politician, wilberforce had been fatherless and had been encouraged by his friends and his mother, and even by his tutors, to do exactly as he pleased. so where pitt was now reaping ample rewards of all those years of paternal sternness, wilberforce was an undisciplined mess who had gotten where he was precisely and only because of the raw talent that he possessed but had never cultivated one whit. for the rest of his life, he would pay a price for those idle years…all of this was shown to him now in these months; he saw, so to speak, the full horror of himself. God, in his mercy, had allowed wilberforce to see himself as he truly was, and it was crushing. but wilberforce knew God didn’t mean to end there. on the other side of the worst of who he was, if he dared face that worst, was a God who would help him overcome his faults and do great things, the very things for which he had created him. It was not too late.”

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city

By admin,

enjoying for the first time the theatre wheelchair-free.

in normal seats.

shoulders near.

I’m grateful, when gratefulness seemed too far away.

thank you, Mary, for the gift of a date.

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3801

By admin,

this weekend is about life.
the sanctity of it.
from babies. to disabled adults. both of which we love dearly.
our good friends have started this documentary, about a horrific abortion clinic in philadelphia. we’re sharing it here because it needs to be shared. there are graphic images, so please use discretion.

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they chose life

By admin,

she told her that abortion would be an option, if down the road they did get pregnant and found out that the baby tested positive. positive for something this new life would have the chance of carrying. something that would change a style of life but not a quality of life. this doctor told my sister that she would abort her own baby if a certain disability were foretold. she wouldn’t want to deal with that.
then these hands came and these tiny little feet that now scamper through the house.

 “mama?”
“what?”
“uh oh door shut.”
“the door’s open! daddy fixed it!”
this little life is here among us, breathing joy into his mama’s life with every movement of his heart and legs and hands. positive test and all. choosing life.
each night with his binky, his little chest raises and lowers underneath the scripted font above him that his mama hung on the wall: “for this child i prayed.”
this child He did bring, perfectly into our lives.
we love and celebrate you, baby e.

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new

By admin,

“why are you so nice to me?”, I asked as we rested under the whir of the ceiling fan.

“I’m just doing what God made me to be.”

to 2013, that we will dub “the year of the manuscript.” Ian said his practical goal for the year is to love his wifey better.

to a new year

looking to mercy

expecting to again be carried

love
i&l

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happy together

By admin,

a happy wedding day anniversary to our murphy parents, for a marriage.

a teacher

a gift

a reflection

may we fight to hold our covenant as you did, until death do us part.

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it’s white

By admin,

Very messy roads led us to and from Christmas as we ventured around the state. 
Especially tonight, as we followed in a line of cars after too many miles of 
making the first tracks like above, I was so comforted by the other travelers. 
We were all just trying to get somewhere, and get there safely.
comfort of other drivers like comfort from others walking, running or crawling throughg life with us. That’s what we had this Christmas. Just time with our families. 
love
i&l

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he loves the little children

By admin,

we, like everyone, have been struck by the losses on Friday in the small Connecticut town. so much attention, chaos, media, theorizing. I’ve thought about those little babies killed a lot this weekend. but that’s what bothers me and that’s what the deepest sadness is for me as I watch this.

for now, the world is watching, and praying, and grieving alongside. but soon those other lives three states away will go on, as they should, unless they’re directly connected. and we will go back to work tomorrow and my sister who’s a teacher will go back to work tomorrow and my life will probably be the same as it was on friday at 9:00 am.

but for the moms and dads, especially them, this will never be out of mind or something that they forget. The sadness will chase them down every day. their minds will imagine and try to recreate and build a fake memory of being in that classroom with their baby and try to reach out and hold them. they will replay the day and how they could’ve altered it but eventually, some well-intentioned person will tell them that they should be doing better by now or say that at least they know their little one is in a better place.

that’s where the hollowness of death stings most.

in that loneliness.

in that life that won’t ever come back. when you’ve lost something that can’t be replaced.

and even with hope, hope for heaven and justice and an end to evil, the gaps and losses still breathe and grow. because you’re still there wishing it had never happened and wishing they were back. even the strongest in faith ache.

falling asleep tonight on the heaviness of loss.

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nothing against him

By admin,

we finally had time to talk, after a busy few days. I admitted to Ian some temptations that I’ve been facing that, if grown, could affect him and our marriage.

“Tell me what I can do to help you,” he spoke, when my guts were spilled.

I questioned him on why that response, instead of surprise or frustration or concern. I asked why he didn’t turn it back onto himself, and how those temptations affect him.

“Because it’s a holy God that you’re up against.”

He gets it. So simply and clearly and beautifully. He turned my sin directly to the gospel and to how my sins are not primarily against Ian or our marriage but a holy God.

Stunned, because I had been carrying weight of the frustrations of my ugly heart, I looked at him in refreshed gratefulness. What a gift he is to me. He is a gift to my soul.

Larissa

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old room

By admin,

to help with our writing, this weekend we took a trip to one of Ian’s old hospitals. we were even able to go into his old room, since no patients were living in it.

grateful to leave it and see Ian sleeping at home.

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