a mini ian, someday?

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throughout our engagement and into our marriage, many inquiring minds, who are strangers and not dear friends, have asked about our ability to have children. surprisingly, because of our  disability, there has seemed to exist an assumption that those questions are appropriate, when none of them were asked to our friends who are in full health. not that these questions are wrong, but they’re not helpful either. here’s why.
in any marriage, how does anyone know if they can conceive until God reveals a yes or no? 
with or without disability, no one can answer that question except for God. 
and so that’s where we leave it. we would both love to be parents. i would love to have a mini ian running around, filling our lives. maybe not yet. maybe not for a long time. maybe next year. maybe we’ll have biological children, or maybe we’ll adopt. 
just like we don’t want people to assume things about our own life and future, we don’t want to assume on God. He may call us to raise 10 children who look and sound just like us or he may just keep providing nieces and nephews for us to spoil. either way, “before me, as behind, God is and all is well.”

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  1. True – you don't know until God reveals it to you. I was married at 27 (my hubby was 38) and we assumed we would have children right away – not so. We would wait 7 long years before God blessed us with 2 children of our own in a miraculous way that gave glory to Him.

    Praying for you guys!

  2. how truly beautiful the gift of grace God has given you in Him and in each other. your contentedness and your hope are both equally inspiring. thank you, God, for knowing so well our hearts' desires and being the end that meets them all. well done, ian and larissa.

  3. This hymn came to mind~
    Simply trusting every day;
    Trusting through a stormy way;
    Even when my faith is small,
    Trusting Jesus, that is all.

    Trusting as the moments fly,
    Trusting as the days go by,
    Trusting Him, whate'er befall,
    Trusting Jesus, that is all.

    Brightly doth His Spirit shine
    Into this poor heart of mine;
    While He leads I cannot fall,
    Trusting Jesus, that is all.

    Singing if my way be clear,
    Praying if the path be drear;
    If in danger, for Him call,
    Trusting Jesus, that is all.

    Trusting Him while life shall last,
    Trusting Him till earth is past,
    Till His gracious advent call,
    Trusting Jesus, that is all.

  4. Thank you for posting this. <3

  5. THE Princess Bombshell*

    I have NEVER understood anyone EVER asking a couple or newlywed "You guys planning on having children?", "When are you having children?", "Are you trying?", etc. ??????? That's so bizarre! What are you supposed to say "Yeah, we tried four times last night…" Talk about PERSONAL!!!! I've made it a point to never do that. That wouldn't come naturally to me anyways. The whole getting into someone's business is strange. Don't get me started on after you get pregnant they ask "Was this planned?" Or after you have the child/children "Are you done?" What the crap??!?!?!? UGH! lol

    — 32 yr old mother of four: two biological and two by gift of adoption

  6. this is great, and very encouraging. thanks for listening to God and sharing what he's revealed to you about this!

  7. I'm sorry that on top of all of your other trials you've had to endure comments from thoughtless people. And I guess that's what they are…not people being mean, just not thinking.
    You've certainly taken the "high road" with the explanation in your post. And I would say that you have also probably forgiven them.
    May God continue to bless the marriage of such a godly couple!

    Still Praying.

    Mary Ann K.

  8. Agreed, often times people have no filter for what might or might not be appropriate to say in conversation. I keep praying that God will give me grace as He has given you to respond rightly and not out of bitterness.

    Blessings to you and Ian!

  9. Larissa, thank you for your wise words. This is an important lesson for us all. When my husband and I were dating, we found ourselves in a quandary over the issue of baptism (infant vs believers) and almost broke up because we disagreed about how we would handle it with our own children. Our pastor counseled us that, we don't know if we'll even be able to have children, so why would we allow a secondary issue like that to break our relationship. I had never thought of it that way, and realized how much I was presuming on God. I'm thankful for the godly advice we were given, today especially, as we celebrate our 2nd anniversary. God bless!

  10. larissa,

    i found your blog through desiringgod.com and read your story/watched video of you and ian.

    i have passed your story along to my family and friends because Jesus' name is magnified and it has been refreshing to my faith (which has been faltering this past year).

    in this post, you have extended grace to those who are nosey and set us all straight with a good perspective–only God knows. he is in control (something i wrestle with on a daily basis, if i'm honest) in every detail of our lives.

    when my husband and i adopted our first son, we too were asked these kind of personal questions!

    may our Lord bless you and keep you and make his face shine upon you.


  11. Peace, dear Larissa

    Indeed, your blogs are like pages of Acts 29…

    May the grace of Jesus be with you

    Barcelona, Spain

  12. So understand the annoyance of these questions – we are married 18 yrs and have not been given children and just a few months ago somebody asked when are we finally going to have children … Duh as if we have a choice! Hang in there God gives grace for stupid questions x

  13. I used to ask those questions before I lost 5 babies to miscarriage, had a baby who was missing some basic body parts, had an ectopic pregnancy that nearly took my life, and lost my uterus after my last birth. We became foster parents after our first two children because we did not believe we would be able to have another biological baby…God blessed us with our little Phoebe a year ago and we are still foster parents. I just love his plan. It definitely wasn't mine but I can see his marks all over the place!

    Keep on keeping on. I love your honesty and your commitment to truth in all things!

  14. gees…I. JUST. LOVE. YOUR. PERSPECTIVE!!!! adoring you from afar and def in my prayers,

    Rebekah (from Chicago)

  15. Well said everyone!!! I have a sister who has been blessed with 12 children and people ask me all the time " are they done yet ?" or they make negative comments like ," that's too many how can they afford them, how do they spend individual time with them? " so on and so forth. And these are fellow sisters in Christ!! Men have never asked me or made rude comments ….just busybody women that the Bible talks about!! I am 38 and single and get the same treatment only the questions and comments are " Why aren't you married? don't you want a husband ? Kids? " or " let me fix you up with someone" " Don't you want someone to take care of you " ect ect. UHG! I just smile and say " God is in control and I am perfectly content being single and whole devoted to His will and plan !"
    Keep living in His will and His time and His plan and His Light!!

  16. My sister has finally been blessed with a beautiful girl after 4 stillbirths and a miscarriage. So often things happen but Romans 8:28!

  17. Larissa- Thank you for writing this post. My husband and I have been ttc for about 22 months now and haven't told anyone in the town we are in. We have got the hurtful questions, the nosy-ness, the assumptions…It hurts. It is all ultimately up to God.

    Thank you for writing your blog and for encouraging the rest of us in our faith.

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