Blog Category: “marriage”

a mini ian, someday?

By admin,

throughout our engagement and into our marriage, many inquiring minds, who are strangers and not dear friends, have asked about our ability to have children. surprisingly, because of our  disability, there has seemed to exist an assumption that those questions are appropriate, when none of them were asked to our friends who are in full health. not that these questions are wrong, but they’re not helpful either. here’s why.
in any marriage, how does anyone know if they can conceive until God reveals a yes or no? 
with or without disability, no one can answer that question except for God. 
and so that’s where we leave it. we would both love to be parents. i would love to have a mini ian running around, filling our lives. maybe not yet. maybe not for a long time. maybe next year. maybe we’ll have biological children, or maybe we’ll adopt. 
just like we don’t want people to assume things about our own life and future, we don’t want to assume on God. He may call us to raise 10 children who look and sound just like us or he may just keep providing nieces and nephews for us to spoil. either way, “before me, as behind, God is and all is well.”
i&l

  Filed under: "a disabled life", "family", "marriage"
  Comments: None

called, for the glory of God

By admin,

“Paul, called by the will of God, to be an apostle of Christ Jesus” 1 Cor. 1:1
reading tonight, and listening to a teaching, and thinking of how Paul was called to be an apostle, and how as Christians we are called to a purpose for the glory of God – this strikes us.
this week  on vacation, we don’t have a caregiver with us and we don’t have murphy brothers with us who know just how to care for ian. and while it can be tiring, taking care of ian is what fills me, and teaches me, and humbles me and moves me toward heaven. when i have days with just ian, i am completed much differently than days at my office.
tonight as we read with the rain falling on the leaves outside, and as we draw nearer to our book really happening, and as we look at requests for speaking, our purposes become a little bit clearer.
this marriage, this hard and magnificent marriage, is to what we are called.
ian murphy, called to be a disabled husband, for the glory of God.
larissa murphy, called to be a wife, for the glory of God.
“but now thus says the Lord,
he who created you, O Jacob,
he who formed you, O Israel,
Fear not, for I have redeemed you;
I have called you by name, you are mine.”

  Filed under: "God Himself", "marriage"
  Comments: None

a mini ian, someday?

By admin,

throughout our engagement and into our marriage, many inquiring minds, who are strangers and not dear friends, have asked about our ability to have children. surprisingly, because of our  disability, there has seemed to exist an assumption that those questions are appropriate, when none of them were asked to our friends who are in full health. not that these questions are wrong, but they’re not helpful either. here’s why.
in any marriage, how does anyone know if they can conceive until God reveals a yes or no? 
with or without disability, no one can answer that question except for God. 
and so that’s where we leave it. we would both love to be parents. i would love to have a mini ian running around, filling our lives. maybe not yet. maybe not for a long time. maybe next year. maybe we’ll have biological children, or maybe we’ll adopt. 
just like we don’t want people to assume things about our own life and future, we don’t want to assume on God. He may call us to raise 10 children who look and sound just like us or he may just keep providing nieces and nephews for us to spoil. either way, “before me, as behind, God is and all is well.”
i&l

  Filed under: "a disabled life", "family", "marriage"
  Comments: None

what I want all my girlfriends to have

By admin,

i remember sarah telling me that she was shocked to see ian showing affection to someone – she was used to him being the sarcastic life of the party. willing to talk to anyone, but also not shy to say funny things that may or may not be taken well. but he was in love, and this friend that she had known since she was little and had been homeschooled with was actually outwardly showing his love.
that’s the ian that i fell in love with. and that’s me that he was showing affection to. he would gently hold my hand – as gently as he could considering that he has the fattest fingers in the world. to me it often felt like a vice grip. but it was still so sweet.
but then for a few years, that hand didn’t have life. it couldn’t squeeze when it wanted to or reach out to find mine.
that’s different now.
that same ian seven years ago that shocked sarah is still marked by gentle affection. and he can make that hand move again. since we’ve been married, one of my favorite parts of my day is falling asleep holding my husband’s hand. and one night as i lay there, i realized that this is what i want all of my girlfriend’s to have. a gentle husband who is so happy to fall asleep with hands bound. 
i’m thankful tonight to be married to a tender heart.
love
l

  Filed under: "a disabled life", "marriage", gratefulness
  Comments: None

From Caleb

By admin,

the below post is from our brother, caleb murphy. caleb spends forty hours each week helping ian, and so he has gained a pretty up-close view of ian as a husband:

As a husband, I want to be strong
for my wife. I want her to see me as a man in the same vein as Maximus Aurelius
from Gladiator; a persistent and strong
leader with good intent. In reality, I’m more like a child in middle school
who’s trying to impress a girl but continually cracks under pressure.
But how can Ian, a crippled man
who’s been stripped of many physical and mental capabilities, be this type of
man for his wife?
Well, the most important aspect of
service to your wife is soul-protector. How did Jesus best serve the church? By
redeeming and caring for the church. He gave himself up for the church so that
“he might sanctify her” (Eph. 5:25-26). He gave himself up “so that he might
present the church to himself in splendor, without spot or wrinkle or any such
thing, that she might be holy and without blemish” (Eph. 5:27). Husbands are
supposed to love their wives “as Christ loved the church and gave himself up
for her” (Eph. 5:25).
We cannot save people from
damnation, but we can care for them. So, the best way a husband can serve his
wife is by caring for her spiritual condition and seeking her sanctification.
This is the most obvious way Ian serves Larissa, and he does it well.
Ian’s joyfulness and complete
reliance on God seem to bring encouragement to Larissa, not to mention his
quickness to bring God back to the center of things. Ian portrays faith like it
should be portrayed: as common sense. God is good and that’s the truth, even to
a man in Ian’s condition.
This should reposition my focus in
marriage. The most important aspect of protecting, caring and providing for my
wife is spiritual. Even if I were handicapped, unable to walk by myself, and
relying on her for everything, the weight of her soul on my heart should be
heavier than any other burdens I might have.
I should be more like Ian, because
Ian serves his wife like Jesus serves his church.
 

  Filed under: "marriage"
  Comments: None

fraudulent

By admin,

“you shouldn’t have said that today, maybe that sounded harsh, you’re assuming a heart motive, that’s not believing the best of that person, you’re angry again, you’re inpatient again,” the voices in my heart and in my head drone on all day.

eventually my body sits to write – to be the means of a story God has written that has nothing to do with myself.

a calendar with dates for talking to people in public, at retreats, conferences – who am i to have this place?

my sins rattle throughout my brain all day and tell me that this is fraud.

that this experience, this public story we’re telling, is not worthy of being told by me. that my sin somehow cancels out anything God would do through us.

that this husband, so sweet and foundational should have more than this sinning wife.

“the Lord your God is in your midst; a might one who will save; he will rejoice over you with gladness; he will quiet you by his love; he will exalt over you with loud singing.” – zephaniah 3:17

my God still rejoices over me. he will quiet me.

so humbly and dependently we make our way.

“Who, oh Lord, could save themselves,
Their own soul could heal?
Our shame was deeper than the sea
Your grace is deeper still”

  Filed under: "God Himself", "marriage", "the dross"
  Comments: None

what I want all my girlfriends to have

By admin,

i remember sarah telling me that she was shocked to see ian showing affection to someone – she was used to him being the sarcastic life of the party. willing to talk to anyone, but also not shy to say funny things that may or may not be taken well. but he was in love, and this friend that she had known since she was little and had been homeschooled with was actually outwardly showing his love.
that’s the ian that i fell in love with. and that’s me that he was showing affection to. he would gently hold my hand – as gently as he could considering that he has the fattest fingers in the world. to me it often felt like a vice grip. but it was still so sweet.
but then for a few years, that hand didn’t have life. it couldn’t squeeze when it wanted to or reach out to find mine.
that’s different now.
that same ian seven years ago that shocked sarah is still marked by gentle affection. and he can make that hand move again. since we’ve been married, one of my favorite parts of my day is falling asleep holding my husband’s hand. and one night as i lay there, i realized that this is what i want all of my girlfriend’s to have. a gentle husband who is so happy to fall asleep with hands bound. 
i’m thankful tonight to be married to a tender heart.
love
l

  Filed under: "a disabled life", "marriage", gratefulness
  Comments: None

From Caleb

By admin,

the below post is from our brother, caleb murphy. caleb spends forty hours each week helping ian, and so he has gained a pretty up-close view of ian as a husband:

As a husband, I want to be strong
for my wife. I want her to see me as a man in the same vein as Maximus Aurelius
from Gladiator; a persistent and strong
leader with good intent. In reality, I’m more like a child in middle school
who’s trying to impress a girl but continually cracks under pressure.
But how can Ian, a crippled man
who’s been stripped of many physical and mental capabilities, be this type of
man for his wife?
Well, the most important aspect of
service to your wife is soul-protector. How did Jesus best serve the church? By
redeeming and caring for the church. He gave himself up for the church so that
“he might sanctify her” (Eph. 5:25-26). He gave himself up “so that he might
present the church to himself in splendor, without spot or wrinkle or any such
thing, that she might be holy and without blemish” (Eph. 5:27). Husbands are
supposed to love their wives “as Christ loved the church and gave himself up
for her” (Eph. 5:25).
We cannot save people from
damnation, but we can care for them. So, the best way a husband can serve his
wife is by caring for her spiritual condition and seeking her sanctification.
This is the most obvious way Ian serves Larissa, and he does it well.
Ian’s joyfulness and complete
reliance on God seem to bring encouragement to Larissa, not to mention his
quickness to bring God back to the center of things. Ian portrays faith like it
should be portrayed: as common sense. God is good and that’s the truth, even to
a man in Ian’s condition.
This should reposition my focus in
marriage. The most important aspect of protecting, caring and providing for my
wife is spiritual. Even if I were handicapped, unable to walk by myself, and
relying on her for everything, the weight of her soul on my heart should be
heavier than any other burdens I might have.
I should be more like Ian, because
Ian serves his wife like Jesus serves his church.
 

  Filed under: "marriage"
  Comments: None

He followed us

By admin,

she came to visit us, our life photographer, on a warm summer day to take photos to be on the inside flap of a book that was being scripted each evening after dinner.

that day was the first time he could do this,

stand next to me, with just my hand helping him, not with my arm around him, like we needed to in all of the photos from this day

 
where my arm was hidden around his back, helping him, balancing him, and we couldn’t stand and simply hold hands.
this summer came to ian in strength, upgrading to a walker, and then a cane and committing to walking by year 30. he left the house without a wheelchair for the first time and he walked out the front doors of his mom’s house for the first time.
2013 was a big year.
yet, on a day that becomes reflective for so many of us, that’s not what i most see.
what i most see is a hard-fought year, with fears and exposure and costs and crying and days sitting in front of a blank computer screen wondering why we signed a contract- that were all swallowed up by what was following us. by what was behind us and before us. 
it was a year swallowed up in God.
it was a year that He swallowed us up, taking our inadequacies that were asked to put our story into 75,000 words, our legs that were asked to learn to walk again, our hearts that at times wanted out.
He followed us with mercy, and made our hopeless mornings and our sweet, quiet date nights and our laughter at his inappropriate jokes into beautiful life canvases.
He followed us with His goodness, keeping us, with his white-knuckle grip.
He blessed us, with two new nieces and nephews, bring number seven and eight into our hearts that four years ago didn’t know that type of love.
He kept us, in each other, faithful and honorable to our covenant.
And all that we were given in Him will continue to be, so that this coming year that looms with exposure as our feebly written pages will be carried home in shopping bags and delivered with the mailman won’t be faced apart from mercy. Or Himself. Or joy, in the most unexpected places.
He will follow us, and someday, someday hopefully soon, we will dwell in His house, forever.
With love,
I&L

  Filed under: "God Himself", "marriage", gratefulness
  Comments: None

fraudulent

By admin,

“you shouldn’t have said that today, maybe that sounded harsh, you’re assuming a heart motive, that’s not believing the best of that person, you’re angry again, you’re inpatient again,” the voices in my heart and in my head drone on all day.

eventually my body sits to write – to be the means of a story God has written that has nothing to do with myself.

a calendar with dates for talking to people in public, at retreats, conferences – who am i to have this place?

my sins rattle throughout my brain all day and tell me that this is fraud.

that this experience, this public story we’re telling, is not worthy of being told by me. that my sin somehow cancels out anything God would do through us.

that this husband, so sweet and foundational should have more than this sinning wife.

“the Lord your God is in your midst; a might one who will save; he will rejoice over you with gladness; he will quiet you by his love; he will exalt over you with loud singing.” – zephaniah 3:17

my God still rejoices over me. he will quiet me.

so humbly and dependently we make our way.

“Who, oh Lord, could save themselves,
Their own soul could heal?
Our shame was deeper than the sea
Your grace is deeper still”

  Filed under: "God Himself", "marriage", "the dross"
  Comments: None