ten things our disabled marriage has taught us about God

3. God created a mystery inside of marriage between man and woman.

This is no surprise for any of us in this room. And we don’t know how to explain it other than it is truly a mystery that God has created for us:

“Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and hold fast to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh.” 32 This mystery is profound, and I am saying that it refers to Christ and the church.”

I love being Ian’s wife so much better than being his girlfriend. Sometimes when I look back on the five years that we dated, I’m not really sure how I made it. There were so many boundaries. But when we got married, there was no place in his mind or heart or body that I could not go. There was no space that we could not occupy together. I don’t understand it, and it’s more than sexual freedom and it’s just so comforting. It’s so comforting to know that Ian is always on my side, even if I’m wrong, because God designed these roles that we might know the comfort of Jesus’ commitment to the church.

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Ian walked on his own for the first time on Tuesday. He’d taken a few steps at therapy a few years ago before his surgery,  but this is different. I could step away and record him walking. That’s huge. Much more in my heart to be shared once our minds comprehend.

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therapy is going well. I’m working on walking and hand eye coordination. I think my walkbythirty goal is attainable if I can strengthen my legs and get better balance.

Please keep me in your prayers, because I know you will.

Thank you.

ian

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not every therapy session is great. Not every day Ian feels like being there or knows how to get his body to work right or do everything his therapist says.

today wasn’t one of thos days.

today was an amazing day, nearly walking without the assistance of a cane or therapist, showing us that he’s not done. showing us the some days just aren’t like the others.

this was a day that we all needed. thank you, Ian.

more faith for #walkbythirty

-L

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Larissa Murphy is a much better name than her maiden name was, because it represents two of the finest people in the world, Mary and Steve. I’m proud to have given it to her because she carries it on. Fabulously. She takes it with her everywhere she goes. I feel like I’ve done something worthwhile, marrying her, and it gives me joy.

– Ian

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Last week I messed up a lot. Like having too many days that I didn’t act out of kindness and too many days that I spoke out of anger.

There were so many times that I didn’t do right in our marriage and I didn’t repent and then ask Ian’s forgiveness.

i needed to be reminded what the nature of the cross is.

and so on my ten minute walk from our bungalow to my office God reminded me through the headphones that were singing with a band I don’t know.

“countless second chances we’ve been given at the cross.”

that was it.

countless second chances – not just when God turned fate from hell to heaven – but second chances every single day.

second / third / fiftieth / millions of chances to love better, fight harder, and give more. These chances are slates wiped clean, because Jesus let His blood run and seep into the wood for us, for my marriage.

second times, millions of second times, to love my husband better. And millions of second times to choose holiness.

Because Jesus’ blood has given us millions of second chances. We will never run out of do-overs while we are here, because when we give over to Jesus, He FoRgEtS those wrongs, those bad attempts and those mess ups. He forgets them as He uses them to shape us and make us more like Himself.

we never run out of second chances.

thank you, Jesus, a million times.

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this past may was ian’s surgery that made his leg straighter. then we waited for it to heal. and then for insurance to approve his brace for walking.

now, he’s working on rehab.

this week, he didn’t use a cane at therapy. his therapist helped him by holding his waist, making his hips stay straight and assisting his balance when needed.

and that is huge.

he’s working hard.

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each year we release them, the number of lanterns that label the number of years. because on 8/28/10 we built a new constellation with them.

tonight was belated celebration for year 4, standing under the big clear skies with two of our parents

happy, happy anniversary my dear

love

wifey

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our new bungalow needed work, to make it into our home. and to make it a place of rest. 

“yes, this isn’t really our skill set,” I told him.

laughing, my brother responded, “Ummm yea we know that.”

that’s why he took three days off of work. And that’s why Ian’s in-laws took a week off of work. 

that’s why our friend was here every day, working alongside my family.

it’s why my brother-in-law loaded his trailer with all of our belongings that sat in his barn for two years, and brought them to the bungalow. and then spent the next two days laying new floor, and sleeping on a makeshift bed, while Ian and I sat at the lake and his wifey wrangled the two boys at home.

their hours here made our life possible.

and much of what they did, could not be done by us.

at times, we could do nothing.

at all times, ian could do nothing, nothing that they needed.

and so what do you do with yourself, when you can’t do anything? when you have nothing to offer?

what do you do when your nearly 60-year-old dad spends the day on his knees, shooting nails through the thick oak boards that frame our doorways and their future stories? and the one able bodied of us is tired from work and decisions and life-changing events?

we found our giving, our addition, in the gratefulness.

and it felt a bit like God. because we have nothing to give that He does not already have Himself. yet He gives more grace, more provision, more joy. He gives that freely. and there is nothing we can do, there was nothing we did do, but we may receive it. and we may return it in gratefulness, letting our hearts pour over with those words that make gifts much sweeter.

and in the gratefulness, as we sat at the table each night, checking the list and progress and time left, we found fellowship. together.

we found it in the thanksgiving.

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we had spent three magical days together at the lake, but that didn’t ensure that i would be kind.

and so i was saying those unkind things to him on our trip home, those unkind things that well up in my heart and feel as though they have to be uttered. even though when they are, he is torn down. and He is dishonored.

in the midst of it, as his straight leg sat propped up in the passenger seat, in his failed catheter mess, he reached for my hand.

i told him i didn’t want to hold it. because i didn’t feel that i deserved it with so much anger shooting into the air of our car. and i didn’t like him in that moment.

“why would you want to hold my hand when i’m being so mean?”

“because you need it.”

“why?”

“you need to know that someone loves you.”

silence.

the air pulled out of me.

there he was again, those few words. those few words that weren’t angry back. that weren’t judging me. that weren’t yelling at me.

he was tender.

while i sent forth words that cut, he offered words that bind. 

and he did not treat me as i deserved.

there it was again, that picture, painted in front of me of what Christ’s love looks like.

He does not deal with us according to our sins,
    nor repay us according to our iniquities.
For as high as the heavens are above the earth,
    so great is his steadfast love toward those who fear him;
as far as the east is from the west,
    so far does he remove our transgressions from us.
As a father shows compassion to his children,
    so the Lord shows compassion to those who fear him.
For he knows our frame;
    he remembers that we are dust.

Psalm 103

God met me in that car, my hand humbly reaching for my husband’s. my husband who was not treating me as i deserved. who was showing me love, instead. who was showing me a taste of the infinite love my Father has for me, always.

it’s why i need him. 

l

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