steve and i always wanted to write a book. we just didn’t know what the ending would be. and we didn’t know what the ending of our blog would be, either.

that was ten years ago, nearly to the day from when we started. we wrote to keep the updates that fueled the prayers and begging for Jesus to not let him die.

then our words became a means of sharing what his broken body was showing us about Jesus’ broken body. updates on healing and surgeries and what we needed to believe in order to keep going.

and then steve left us and our words became mine and i didn’t know God like he did. and the gaps in our hearts that started with ian grew deeper and so did our need for heaven, and prayer, and the strange connectedness that words written online created.

then we were married under the big tree next to 14 people that would carry us and in front of 150 that would remind us of why we said yes. my words turned back into our words as we figured out how the heck to do marriage and grief and watch other lives move so much faster than ours ever could.

then videos started and publishers found us and soon work i had wanted to do since i was a little girl was sitting on our lap. we put our words to a book and believed enough about God to believe it would be worth it. we shared our words at events and churches and small groups and somehow ended up in a film that allowed us to share Jesus to the world and put us on national talk shows and cable channels.

and it was worth it. and it always will be.

but then the words started coming less easily and the requests to share our words out loud weren’t coming but my career was and talk of babies was.

and then the cost of the words started to seem like a little too much after giving ten years of our hearts to strangers. the vulnerability and the comments we’d hear and the risks weren’t being outweighed by confirmation from Him anymore.

and that became ok.

because the new beginning of raising our son that we’ll bring into the world  in a few short months isn’t something we want to share in our words. and for now, that local church and family is where we want to be.

the 14 that stood with us, as many as they could, met us in the mountains on 9/30, ten years since the 9/30 we wish hadn’t happened. and that’s where we will keep being. living out the rest of our story, for now, not online but in rooms filled with the faces we get to live life with.

we’ve made it this far because of prayer and the local church and the church at large and because of every single plea made on our behalf. until we can hug each of you around the neck in heaven, the three of us give our love and gratitude, always.

love

L

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six since this photo and grateful for each one.

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Wow for few posts this year and not keeping everyone posted on how Ian is doing. So here’s a little update:

• he’s still the happiest person I (Larissa) know 🙂
• he’s actively working in speech therapies and occupational therapy at home
• he and his therapist planted a small garden which is now yielding beautiful tomatoes
• he’s working on walking but I don’t encourage it as much as I should. we need more and more of God’s help to keep pursuing that
• he’s still madly in love with his little niece roommate

thank you, always for your prayers

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this is year ten.

year ten of the life that we’ve needed to love, even though we wouldn’t have chosen it. in finding myself reflecting on ten, all that has come and all that has gone, we fluctuate between gratefulness and grief.

you’ll hear about year ten more on here, our long-neglected blog. like my thoughts from this morning, when for some reason, my moments in the bible were taking me back to what those moments felt like before ten.

a young college student (a baby really) eager to read things I’d never read before. journaling as I studied Jesus, seeing all the ways my life would change by following Jesus.

my quiet moments journal was filled with hope for my future, especially a future with this hot new boy i was dating.

they were such innocent moments with Jesus.

now into ten, it’s not so innocent. and I see that throughout the ten, maybe even immediately following that phone call on september 30, it’s been grueling.

my morning moments have sometimes taken long, long breaks.

they’ve become battle grounds.

they’ve often led to more questions than peace.

they’ve been one-sentence pleads.

they’ve been filled by children’s books (something my brain could actually understand), two minute prayers, books that talk about God but mainly make me laugh but they were easier to understand than the bible, and in very rare times, braving the Old Testament.

my quiet moments weren’t as simple after September 30.

they weren’t simple acceptance of scripture anymore. they required faith. faith that the words were true, despite what I saw when I looked at the hurting man in bed next to me.

looking back this morning, imagining the baby college student me, i can’t say yet that I’m grateful that the moments are a battle.

but i can say that I’m grateful the battle has already been won by Jesus and heaven will never be taken from me. no matter what the next ten brings.

-L

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a little letter to my lovey on our ten year date-iversary,

a letter because ten years is long and is a third of the time we’ve had breath. we met when we were twenty-something babies and were so good at being babies that we thought we had it all figured out.

ten years ago we were burning with wanting and with love that laid on the surface of everything we touched. ten years has dug that love deeper, so deep that sometimes it can’t even be found on the surface, but it’s there because we promised it always would be.

im glad you asked me to dinner ten years ago and that you wore your light pink shirt. we now live just above that restaurant and I wonder what we would have done if we could’ve looked up the hill and into the future.

im glad you soon told me you loved me and kissed me and told me everything in your heart.

thank you, after ten years, for always choosing love, always choosing forgiveness, always choosing me. even in my darkest, not unlike today, you hem me in and anchor my heart and never feed me guilt.

thank you for choosing to love my broken heart again and again and for believing that this prison of a body we now live in won’t always be lived in and for believing that He will bind my wounds in ways you cannot.

thank you for letting His name always be in your heart and coming out of your breaths. thank you for washing me over with His name, letting me hear His name, praying to His name over me.

thank you you for not giving up – on me, this marriage or this life-long attempt at understanding Him.

i love you, my tom cruise

❤️

-L

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three years ago we let a film crew into our lives to document our belief, our story, our love and our hope.

last week, our story aired on national TV as part of Oprah’s Belief series.

our story and belief in Jesus has been carried with much respect by everyone involved in the filming, editing, and release, and for that we are so grateful.

to catch a glimpse of our segment, here is an “after belief” video for you to enjoy.

http://www.oprah.com/belief/Ian-and-Larissa-After-Belief

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It’s starting to feel cool again in the breezes of western PA and our silent blog is indicative of a summer that was hopefully spent went but was more often than not spent with me working and Ian graciously watching Netflix. As if that’s really a challenge for him…:)

We’ve vacationed three times with family, toes in the sand at the beach, towels on the tiki bar at the lake, and feet propped on the deck and the mountain lodge.

We’re still working on walking and speech and painting and figuring out what entry into year five of marriage looks like.

We’re praying for what’s next, what God wants to use us for next, and how to fit it in to a life that just needs to be slower because brain injuries just need space to exist.

Thank you, anyone who still reads this and still prays for us.

❤️
L

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No excuses for the silence on the blog except for summer + work + waiting to feel inspired with words. the first two come to us without work but the third always drags behind.

we’ve spent the first weeks of summer in the bungalow, with our new roommates, the cutest of which is 9 months old. we’ve traveled to the mountains to share our story with my childhood church and were joined by so many from our bridal party. we sat on the beach for a week with siblings and babies who had never seen the ocean before and who filled us with curiosity and wonder. we’ve sat by the pool with friends for the Fourth of July and celebrated a sibling and cousin’s wedding. and now we head to the lake, Ian’s favorite place in the world, for a week sure to be bound with happiness despite loss, and where Ian will be surrounded by voices that he’s known always.

and he still works hard to walk, and get better at talking, and he’s re-learning to fold laundry and empty dishwashers and clean floors, all because he wants to help his wifey.

so this summer has been full but we have been well and God has always been with us.

❤️

L

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a surprise nomination from my other in law for a scholarship to attend a leadership conference. a retreat to equip me to bring a women’s event to our town in 2016, a warm escape to florida in the fall, and a chance to meet other women who love God.

if you feel inclined to vote for me to be awarded the scholarship, check out this link.

much love

l

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(we don’t actually) but that was the series we had the fun chance to kick-off at our siblings’ church in Chambersburg. if you feel like listening to what we shared, here’s the link!!

then travel here for more things we have coming up!

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